Press Release

LONDON -- Ground meat of genetically altered baby seals added to the
mash of embryonic stem cells, lutefisk, Norwegian "Gammelost" cheese,
and bran with added proprietary ingredients appear to nourish
mysterious cell organelles called mitochondria, scientists reported
Monday in the Journal of Theoretical Behind.

Mitochondria can finally be maintained outside the cell and bred in
captivity, the first experiment of this kind revealed.

"Normal mitochondria are visible as furry little creatures reminiscent
of kiwi fruit when stained and viewed in the light microscope" --
explains John Hadov, Principal Investigator at Broom Closet Research
Labs, MerckyPhizer Inc.

Professor Hadov is the first scientist whose pioneering research
succeeded in maintaining a culture of human mitochondria outside its
normal environment - the human cell.

Professor Hadov shows a big container swarming with fairly hairy,
orange and pink colored animals the size of a Grade A egg. "They can
grow very large when not constrained by the cell wall. If not for the
unusual color and rapid locomotion, they could be easily mistaken for
the actual kiwi fruit", he explains.

Mitochondria differ from other cell organelles in that they contain
their own DNA. According to the endosymbiotic theory, mitochondria
originated as prokaryotic cell parasites. During the evolution of
eukaryotic cell mitochondria ancestors not only assuaged their
virulence but eventually became an integral part of the cell,
providing essential functions, including aerobic respiration and
production of ATP - the main source of cell energy.

But Hadov and other experts at BCR cautioned that free-living
mitochondria are wild and fierce creatures capable of fast
reproduction. The population is closely monitored for unpredictable
mutations that would possibly allow mitochondria to escape the
laboratory conditions and live in the outside environment.

Concluding the interview, Professor Hadov, dressed in formal Rotary
International uniform complete with medals affirmed:

"We very much look forward to further studies. It is possible that a
genetically modified mitochondria clone can be used as food for
athletes and health conscious individuals, because it is literally
packed with vitamins and other essential ingredients."

The mitochondria clones will also possibly be released into
environment to populate and treat raw human sewage.