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Weight Loss Forum / Low Carb / September 2005The Jesus Diet...
I found this article rather amusing: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/5-11-2005-69841.asp  SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary >I found this article rather amusing: > >http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/5-11-2005-69841.asp TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. What are you, a dyke or something? TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > >Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. > > What are you, a dyke or something? What are you? Into incest? *sheesh* Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >What are you? Into incest? Jesus and Mary were married. TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > >What are you? Into incest? > > Jesus and Mary were married. > > TBR Last time I read my Bible Mary was Jesus' mother and he never married. > Last time I read my Bible Mary was Jesus' mother and he never married. Who'd wanna be called Mrs Christ?? Hairy Harry married merry Mary. SignatureJock >Last time I read my Bible Mary was Jesus' mother and he never married. Ok, this will shock you who know me, but I haven't been immersing myself in my bible studys as much as I should, so I am mea culpa on the Jesus/Mary thing. I thought they were married. TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > >What are you? Into incest? > > Jesus and Mary were married. Nice recovery. But you said Mary, who was Jesus' mother, not Mary Magdelan. Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >>>What are you? Into incest? >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Priscilla I assumed he couldn't spell Magdelan. In any case, you can get the joke from the context. The Mary who is rumored to be his girlfriend/wife is the obvious intepretation. Dally > >>>What are you? Into incest? > >>Jesus and Mary were married. > > Nice recovery. But you said Mary, who was Jesus' mother, not Mary > > Magdelan. > I assumed he couldn't spell Magdelan. In any case, you can get the joke > from the context. What I "got" was that the poster was a creep with a disgusting sense of humor and no respect for other people's religious sensibilities. > The Mary who is rumored to be his girlfriend/wife is > the obvious intepretation. Maybe for you. Not necessarily for people who at church this morning! And those rumors are a crock spun to sell books. Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >>>>Jesus and Mary were married. >>> [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > What I "got" was that the poster was a creep with a disgusting sense of > humor and no respect for other people's religious sensibilities. Yes he's a creep. He made a dirty joke. Try to deal, okay? I don't know who cross-posted this to MFW but that's where I'm reading it and this doesn't seem particularly noteworthy of a joke. >>The Mary who is rumored to be his girlfriend/wife is >>the obvious intepretation. > > Maybe for you. Not necessarily for people who at church this morning! People at your church think of sex with their mother's before sex with their girlfriends? Weird church. > And those rumors are a crock spun to sell books. Why would you presume Jesus did not marry or have a girlfriend? Wasn't Mary Magdeline beloved above all the other disciples? Do you also presume He never took a sh.t? I mean, that's not mentioned in the Bible. Do you figure He didn't have bodily functions? Or are you trying to make a case for Jesus being homosexual? I'm just not following you. Dally >What I "got" was that the poster was a creep with a disgusting sense of >humor and no respect for other people's religious sensibilities. We've met then? >> The Mary who is rumored to be his girlfriend/wife is >> the obvious intepretation. > >Maybe for you. Not necessarily for people who at church this morning! People at church are idiots who need a crutch. >And those rumors are a crock spun to sell books. Like bibles? TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." >I assumed he couldn't spell Magdelan. I can spell Magdelaine just fine... TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." Priscilla...."Magdalene" wasnt her last name. Magdel is where she was BORN. People didnt have last names. Ever notice how Jesus is referred to as "the Nazarene"? He was born in Nazareth, NOT Bethlehem. By the time he accompanied his parents to Bethlehem, the city of Joseph's birth, to pay taxes, JC was already three or four years old. This is historically verifiable---it is known in what year Herod made a law that Jews (and eveybody else) had to go back to the town of their birth to be counted and to pay taxes. That year was several years after the birth of JC. Plus, IF he had been born in Bethlehem, he would have been known as "the Bethlemite", not "the Nazarene". Lass Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2005, 10:37pm (EDT+4) From: vze23t8n@verizon.net (Priscilla Ballou) In article <6u74h1hldmrik4sda3cdg9obljk4q3ds9u@4ax.com>, The Bill Rodgers <TBR@comcast.net> wrote: What are you? Into incest? Jesus and Mary were married. Nice recovery. But you said Mary, who was Jesus' mother, not Mary Magdelan. Priscilla -- Priscilla...."Magdalene" wasnt her last name. Magdel is where she was BORN. People didnt have last names. Ever notice how Jesus is referred to as "the Nazarene"? 'The Nazarene' does not refer to birthplace. 'Of Nazareth' would to place of birth or residence. The Nazarene were a Jewish sect, like Baptists and Methodists are Christian sects. SignatureNo Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes > >What are you? Into incest? > > Jesus and Mary were married. Someone took their gullible pills before reading _DaVinci Code_. Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >> >What are you? Into incest? >> >> Jesus and Mary were married. > > Someone took their gullible pills before reading _DaVinci Code_. wy couldnt they have been married? just because it was in a popular book? if someone named Jesus actually lived then it stands to reason that he was married. he was, after all, a handsome devil with a six pack abdomen and, by all accounts, an accomplished vintner. > Priscilla >an accomplished vintner. WTF is that? TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > >an accomplished vintner. > > WTF is that? Winemaker, you know, as in turning water into wine. SignatureNo Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes >> Someone took their gullible pills before reading _DaVinci Code_. > >wy couldnt they have been married? just because it was in a popular book? if >someone named Jesus actually lived then it stands to reason that he was >married. he was, after all, a handsome devil with a six pack abdomen and, by >all accounts, an accomplished vintner. You mean that a local Rabbi got married and no one mentioned it? Or for PR reasons. Jesus told his followers to leave their jobs,homes and wives to follow him. How would it look if he then had a wife. I can hear Peter now. "Sure I left my wife, and he gets to brings his" >> Priscilla Pan Ohco >>>Someone took their gullible pills before reading _DaVinci Code_. >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > You mean that a local Rabbi got married and no one mentioned it? It's not noteworthy. All the rabbis got married. > Or for PR reasons. Jesus told his followers to leave their jobs,homes > and wives to follow him. How would it look if he then had a wife. > I can hear Peter now. "Sure I left my wife, and he gets to brings his" There was no injunction against having wives come along. Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. In fact, they all got themselves a bevy of wives. Saying that Jesus loved Mary Magdelen more than the other disciples and NOT imaging a sexual relationship is just denying Jesus his humanity. Dally > Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. > Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. > In fact, they all got themselves a bevy of wives. Saying that Jesus > loved Mary Magdelen more than the other disciples and NOT imaging a > sexual relationship is just denying Jesus his humanity. That's just ridiculous. Without making a pronouncement on whether or not Jesus had a wife, how can you say that he couldn't have a close female friend without having sex? And saying that others weren't celibate doesn't mean that no person ever was, or that somehow, those who do abstain aren't human. Finally, afaik, the Bible doesn't ever say that he loved Mary Magdelene more than the other disciples. If anything, the tradition is that "the disciple whom Jesus loved" (and author of the 4th gospel) was John the apostle. Make of that what you will. >> Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. >> Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > disciple whom Jesus loved" (and author of the 4th gospel) was John the > apostle. Make of that what you will. When did Mary become a disciple? > >> Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. > >> Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > When did Mary become a disciple? Shortly after Jesus wrote his diet book. Haven't you been following the thread? SignatureDr. Dickie Skepticult member in good standing #394-00596-438 Poking kooks with a pointy stick. "The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' ('I found it!'), but rather 'hmm....that's funny...'" - Isaac Asimov >> >> Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. >> >> Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Shortly after Jesus wrote his diet book. > Haven't you been following the thread? Ah, thanks for clearing that up. >> When did Mary become a disciple? > >Shortly after Jesus wrote his diet book. Does anyone have a cyber copy of that? I'm short on money, and I'd just steal it, but being Jesus and all I'm pretty sure I'd go to hell. TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." >>> When did Mary become a disciple? >> >>Shortly after Jesus wrote his diet book. > > Does anyone have a cyber copy of that? I'm short on money, and I'd > just steal it, but being Jesus and all I'm pretty sure I'd go to hell. It was bad enough when you sold your young daughter's pipes to raise money for your Broke a.s and now your even calling your own brother a liar to protect your own lieing filthy Pie Hole! Warning the person that is posting as "The Bill Rodgers" is actually Bill Davidson. Please consider this person mentally unstable and a danger to himself and others. If you see my brother (Bill Davidson) please notify the Dept of Mental Health in Boston, as they are trying to find him. http://tinypic.com/view/?pic=behstx <---Bill Davidson aka The Bill Rodgers. > TBR > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, > but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." Jesus ate only figs dipped in holy water and veal soaked in blessed red wine. The figs were organic and the veal was well done. On occasion he would also eat bagels and creamed goat cheese with chives - giant prawns broiled with sweet and sour sauce for the dip and lobster tails broiled live and covered in warm drawn cannabis butter from the finest dank and cows available. He kept the salt in his diet low and loved fresh ground black pepper corns. Speaking of corn - he loved to eat white sweet corn on the cob roasted in its own hull with brown and wild rice cooked in garlic and curry. > giant prawns broiled with sweet > and sour sauce for the dip and lobster tails broiled live www.godhatesshrimp.com >>giant prawns broiled with sweet >>and sour sauce for the dip and lobster tails broiled live > > www.godhatesshrimp.com LOL, I had just been wondering if the Bible (elastic) Belt was going to learn about tref foods. Somehow I doubt "WWJD" would extend as far as avoiding shellfish. It always DOES seem to stop short on some point or another, doesn't it? Dally Horse sh.t! > Horse sh.t! Is that low carb? Signature"My greatest fantasy involves you, some sausages down your pants, and a pack of starving Rotweilers." Now playing: "Nazareth - Morning Dew (alternate edited" Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. SignatureJennifer Lopez Lingerie *plus* Gourmet Goodies www.cafepress.com/dwacon > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. You are soooo totally correct! And the right kind of wine is even low carb. ;-) SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson > > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. > > You are soooo totally correct! > > And the right kind of wine is even low carb. ;-) I'll have extra fish - preferably in the form of nigiri sushi - and you can drink the wine. > > > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. > > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > I'll have extra fish - preferably in the form of nigiri sushi - and you > can drink the wine. The more for me, thanks! ;-) I rather like Sashimi myself. Hold the rice. And the Wasabi...... SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson > > > > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. > > > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > And the Wasabi...... I can go that route too. Got a favorite fish or fishes? I'm partial to salmon, tuna, yellowtail... > > > > > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. > > > > [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > > I'm partial to salmon, tuna, yellowtail... Raw shrimp hands down. :-) Next is a toss up between tuna and octopus, then Salmon. I'm not overly fond of raw squid. Too tough and has an "odd" flavor. The little raw quail eggs are yummy! Good for dipping the raw tuna in... Cheers! SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson >I rather like Sashimi myself. >Hold the rice. > >And the Wasabi...... I'll have his. Wimp. Seth Signature"There is no such thing as an essential carbohydrate" -- Will Brink Except sushi rice, seaweed, and wasabi. > >I rather like Sashimi myself. > >Hold the rice. [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Seth ;-) SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson Pew-wee Fewsay IMHI - is the best there is and certainy my favorite (spelling is totally whacked) but, you get the type of wine I refer to. > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. Sure, if you can find mercury free fish. Good luck with that. > > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. > > Sure, if you can find mercury free fish. Good luck with that. Supplement with Selenium. That helps with mercury elimination. Google that. And fresh water fish won't have it. It just has PCB's and all that other pollution crap. ;-) I don't think there is a single food available on the planet anymore that does not have SOME contaminants in it! So become a breatharian! And even that has some toxins involved...... SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson >> > Eating fish and drinking wine is healthy. >> [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > So become a breatharian! > And even that has some toxins involved...... Fresh water fish can be heavily contaminated, too. I'm not saying that you shouldn't eat seafood if you like it. Go ahead, though you might want to limit it to a couple of times a week max. My point is really that any health benefit inherent in seafood is probably offset by the health effects of contamination. Jesus kept Kosher. He would not have eaten crustaceans. Saul/Paul would have, since God made it all for people to eat. But not big JC. > giant prawns broiled with sweet > and sour sauce for the dip and lobster tails broiled live > and covered in warm drawn cannabis butter from > the finest dank and cows available. PREACH IT BROTHA!!! Sir, But George Bush loves Jesus, doen't he ? Isn't that a good point for him ? Hence he is assured of Salvation, of which you are not it seems... By the way, could you please explain to us all, what it is : to eat Kosher ! Thank you in anticipation. SignatureSir Jean-Paul Turcaud Shadow Ambassador of Australia in France (Commissioned to prevent French migration to Australia) Australia Mining Pioneer Exploration Geologist Discoverer and Legal Owner of Telfer, Nifty & Kintyre Mines The Great Sandy Desert of Australia Founder of the True Geology * The "Golden Rule" or true story of the Discovery of the Telfer Mine Author Bob Sheppard President of the APLA (Australian Prospectors' Union) http://www.tnet.com.au/~warrigal/grule.html , * As well as Dr Don Findlay's Geological Site http://users.indigo.net.au/don/tel/index.html ~~ Ignorance Is The Cosmic Sin, The One Never Forgiven ! ~~ snip >> "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, >> but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." >But George Bush loves Jesus, doen't he ? >Isn't that a good point for him ? > >Hence he is assured of Salvation, How can a mass murderer get salvation? He's killed thousands, and there's no way he'd be allowed anywhere near heaven, assuming of course that it existed. TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." || When did Mary become a disciple? She wasn't, she was a groupie. Signature-- "Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." -- Unknown > || When did Mary become a disciple? > > She wasn't, she was a groupie. Yeah, she was. > || When did Mary become a disciple? > > She wasn't, she was a groupie. You mis-spelled Gropee. <G> SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson > || When did Mary become a disciple? > > She wasn't, she was a groupie. Same thing. ;-) >"When did Mary become a disciple? " actually, in "The Gnostic Gospels", a handful of gospels thrown OUT of the Bible, Mary the Magdalene WAS a diciple--- and her testament got tossed by either an early Pope or a king, along with several other "offensive" gospels, especially those who mentioned reincarnation. Lass > > Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. > > Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > disciple whom Jesus loved" (and author of the 4th gospel) was John the > apostle. Make of that what you will. Are you saying Jesus was gay? That might explain why all the apostles were male...... Ouch! You should'na gone there... You should'na gone there... You should'na gone there... ;-) SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson LOL, well, FOR SURE, in da Vinci's MANY paintings of the Last Supper, the figure to his right was EITHER a flaming,red-wavy-haired no-beard effiminate man (supposed to be John) OR a woman. Im going with woman, myself, and Mary, at that, his number 1 deciple. WHY wouldnt John have had a beard? ALL Jewish men had beards. It was against Jewish Law to "trim the corners of the hair and beard". This is why Hassidic Jews, today, have beards and the curled locks on each side---I forget what they're called. Lass There had to have been some men who couldn't grow beards, I know my #1 son is such a man. He can grow fuzz but nothing one would call a beard. LOL, well, FOR SURE, in da Vinci's MANY paintings of the Last Supper, the figure to his right was EITHER a flaming,red-wavy-haired no-beard effiminate man (supposed to be John) OR a woman. Im going with woman, myself, and Mary, at that, his number 1 deciple. WHY wouldnt John have had a beard? ALL Jewish men had beards. It was against Jewish Law to "trim the corners of the hair and beard". This is why Hassidic Jews, today, have beards and the curled locks on each side---I forget what they're called. Lass > LOL, well, FOR SURE, in da Vinci's MANY paintings of the Last Supper, > the figure to his right was EITHER a flaming,red-wavy-haired no-beard > effiminate man (supposed to be John) OR a woman. Im going with woman, > myself, and Mary, at that, his number 1 deciple. ummm...Da Vinci wasnt there...while i agree the person to Jesus' right is clearly a woman...what does that prove? VICAR---well, it doesnt "prove" anything. It's just very interesting that da Vinci would add a woman who pretty much HAS to be Mary Mag sitting at JC's right hand. This is, after all, a painting of JC last meal with his disciples.....and da V obviously chose to put a person in the painting most people would NOT see as a disciple.....sitting in the most important seat---at Jesus' right hand. It's well known that daV had a sort of love/hate relationship with the Church, seemed to believe in a Creator but had contempt for the trappings of religion. To even add Mary to a painting commissioned by an abbey of nuns (The Sisters of Mary) and paid for by the Vatican....was a subtle but definite "screw you" that may or may not have had any historical basis. The fact that, when asked, "Who is she and why is she in this painting?" and da V replied, "What???Why, that's JOHN!" is significant. Clearly, he was seeing what he could get away with....and laughing at the Catholic Church. However, if there really WAS a group of men (I forget their title, the "Priory du Sion"?) who knew and guarded the secret of Jesus' marriage to Mary and the daughter she produced, it's more than likely da V was one of those men chosen. IF so, he both guarded AND revealed the secret---in a most subtle way. Clearly, IF JC produced a child and IF that child bore children...the possibility of people being alive today carrying the blood of Jesus the Christ....is staggering. ...and not likely to be something the Catholic Church would want known. Nor would these descendants be safe. There's no "proof", either way---no proof JC was...or was NOT married. But the possibility (likelihood, in my opinion) is fascinating. Dont you agree? IF he was married and a father, and IF this information was REMOVED from the gospels....clearly, nobody BUT the Church could have made this deletion---- a cover-up that makes Watergate look like a Sunday school picnic....not even close. Consider the vast power the Church had (and still has). How much power would be lost by the common knowledge that Jesus was first and foremost a MAN, a human with blood, sperm and offspring? For the Church to have maximum celestial power, their Main Guy HAD to be a celestial type---no mere human man with a wife and a kid. Any decision made to remove texts for the purpose of removing Jesus' humanity....is political by it's very nature---intended to elevate Jesus ABOVE the human state and raised the Church above the human state....and there aint no power like Heavenly power. ...and NO scam ever run by anybody compares. LassChance Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Fri, Sep 2, 2005, 8:27am From: whiney.baby@gmail.com (THE VICAR) "Lass Chance_2" <LassChance_2@webtv.net> wrote in message news:19679-431346BC-1399@storefull-3332.bay.webtv.net... LOL, well, FOR SURE, in da Vinci's MANY paintings of the Last Supper, the figure to his right was EITHER a flaming,red-wavy-haired no-beard effiminate man (supposed to be John) OR a woman. Im going with woman, myself, and Mary, at that, his number 1 deciple. ummm...Da Vinci wasnt there...while i agree the person to Jesus' right is clearly a woman...what does that prove? You shouldn't have Mohammad in that group. Mohammad was probably the most evil bastard that ever lived, even worse than Hitler. >>Think about all the messianic dudes we've known through the ages. >>Muhommed. Koresh. Jones. Brigham Young. How many abstained? None. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > disciple whom Jesus loved" (and author of the 4th gospel) was John the > apostle. Make of that what you will. > >> >What are you? Into incest? > >> [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > married. he was, after all, a handsome devil with a six pack abdomen and, by > all accounts, an accomplished vintner. because by then he was dead! Duh! >"because by then he was dead! Duh! " i see....so he got married AFTER he died? Thanks for clearing that up...... LassChance Before "The daVinci Code", there was "Holy Grail, Holy Blood", a genuine historian's theores, from which much of the novel was gleaned. Factually, we know that Jesus carried the title, "Rabbi" (teacher). In those days, it was the sworn DUTY of every Jewish father to PROMISE his infant son that a wife would be found for him by his 18th year. there were NO un-married Jewish men past 18 in acceptable Jewish society. You certainly could not attain the title, "Rabbi" without being married. Also, in the "Wedding at Canna" story, we have Mary the Mother of Jesus telling servants where to put things, what to serve and so on. It was the mother of the groom's job to tend to those details. Most likely that wedding WAS the wedding of her son, jesus and Mary of Magdalene. Otherwise....why was Mary (the mom) in charge of those details? Had he not been married, he would not have been taken seriously, not respected, not entertained in Jewish society and pretty much laughed at as a loser and a fool. Jesus was neither. You have to realize that MUCH of the Bible was changed---stuff deleted, stuff added and stuff changed for political reasons, many, many times between the original texts and today's Bible's. ...Not even to mention legitimate translation differences. You have to look at the nodern Bible as a collection of wisdom, not as a historically "accurate" work. Lass Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2005, 10:37pm (EDT+4) From: vze23t8n@verizon.net (Priscilla Ballou) In article <6u74h1hldmrik4sda3cdg9obljk4q3ds9u@4ax.com>, The Bill Rodgers <TBR@comcast.net> wrote: What are you? Into incest? Jesus and Mary were married. Someone took their gullible pills before reading _DaVinci Code_. Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >>>What are you? Into incest? >> >>Jesus and Mary were married. > > Someone took their gullible pills before reading _DaVinci Code_. Who made you the authority on history? Everyone has their beliefs. Next time try to be a little more open-minded about that. There is more to the world than what goes on in your church. SignatureJerry > > >What are you? Into incest? > > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Priscilla I was thinking the exact same thing myself... The Bible tells me that Jesus died and rose to Heaven BEFORE ever marrying. Kinda hard to get married if you aren't around hey? ;) "Kay" <Happy_One777@hotmail.com> wrote in message > The Bible tells me that Jesus > died and rose to Heaven BEFORE ever marrying. Where does the Bible say that? >"Kay" <Happy_One777@hotmail.com> wrote in message >> The Bible tells me that Jesus >> died and rose to Heaven BEFORE ever marrying. > >Where does the Bible say that? Levitikus: 314 TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." >Kinda hard to get married if >you aren't around hey? ;) Kinda hard to get hard too. TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > The Bible tells me that Jesus > died and rose to Heaven BEFORE ever marrying. Kinda hard to get married if > you aren't around hey? ;) Cite, please. Dally >Cite, please. Levitikus:314 TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > > The Bible tells me that Jesus > > died and rose to Heaven BEFORE ever marrying. Kinda hard to get married if > > you aren't around hey? ;) > > Cite, please. More of an argument from silence, I suppose. Acts 1:3-11 says that during the time that Jesus spent with his disciples after returning from the dead, he spent 40 days teaching them, then went up into heaven (apparently literally, like a rocket taking off). No mention of a marriage, which presumably, would've been pretty big news. The scene ends with the disciples looking up into the sky, where Jesus had gone. So there is no statement, afaik, that Jesus DIDN'T marry after his death and resurrection. But at least with the constraints of the biblical story, it would've been a pretty short marriage. But the argument from silence cuts both ways, as there is no indication in the Bible that Jesus ever did get married - at least in the usual human sense. Fwiw, the Da Vinci Code is novel - a work of fiction - and is so acknowledged by its author, Dan Brown. Here is a clip from his website: HOW MUCH OF THIS NOVEL IS TRUE? The Da Vinci Code is a novel and therefore a work of fiction. While the book's characters and their actions are obviously not real, the artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals depicted in this novel all exist (for example, Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings, the Gnostic Gospels, Hieros Gamos, etc.). These real elements are interpreted and debated by fictional characters. While it is my belief that some of the theories discussed by these characters may have merit, each individual reader must explore these characters' viewpoints and come to his or her own interpretations. My hope in writing this novel was that the story would serve as a catalyst and a springboard for people to discuss the important topics of faith, religion, and history. BUT DOESN'T THE NOVEL'S "FACT" PAGE CLAIM THAT EVERY SINGLE WORD IN THIS NOVEL IS HISTORICAL FACT? If you read the "FACT" page, you will see it clearly states that the documents, rituals, organization, artwork, and architecture in the novel all exist. The "FACT" page makes no statement whatsoever about any of the ancient theories discussed by fictional characters. Interpreting those ideas is left to the reader. Found at http://www.danbrown.com/novels/davinci_code/faqs.html >>>The Bible tells me that Jesus >>>died and rose to Heaven BEFORE ever marrying. Kinda hard to get married if [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > marriage, which presumably, would've been pretty big news. The scene > ends with the disciples looking up into the sky, where Jesus had gone. Is there a cite saying he was unmarried at the time he was crucified? Mary Magdalen stayed at his side during the crucifiction, then washed him and sat shiva for him - all the roles of a wife. The New Testament, as far as I recall, doesn't mention the names of his siblings, either, including any sisters he might have had. There is some reason to believe that Paul was touchy on that stuff and history is written by the winners. > So there is no statement, afaik, that Jesus DIDN'T marry after his death > and resurrection. But at least with the constraints of the biblical > story, it would've been a pretty short marriage. But the argument from > silence cuts both ways, as there is no indication in the Bible that > Jesus ever did get married - at least in the usual human sense. Someone was there acting in the role of wife. It's an argument for him having a wife. > Fwiw, the Da Vinci Code is novel - a work of fiction - and is so > acknowledged by its author, Dan Brown. I am not citing Da Viinci Code as a source. I'm thinking more about the scrolls thought to be written by Thomas. Dally > Is there a cite saying he was unmarried at the time he was crucified? > Mary Magdalen stayed at his side during the crucifiction, then washed > him and sat shiva for him - all the roles of a wife. His mother was present at the crucifixion as well, as was John; they weren't all married to him. I'm not sure which washing you're referring to, but Mary Magdalene never washes him by herself that I know of. If you're referring to the anointing of Jesus' feet with perfume, there's some doubt about whether Mary Magdalene was ever involved in that at all. For instance, in John 12, it's Mary of Bethany. > The New Testament, as far as I recall, doesn't mention the names of his > siblings, either, including any sisters he might have had. There is > some reason to believe that Paul was touchy on that stuff and history is > written by the winners. Try Matthew 13:55 - "He's just a carpenter's son, and we know Mary, his mother, and his brothers -James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas." I think his sisters are mentioned elsewhere, but not named. But basically, you are conceding that this is an argument from silence. And that's fine with me. There is, of course, a tradition that you're depending on; it's just not one that is very well regarded by historians. > > So there is no statement, afaik, that Jesus DIDN'T marry after his death > > and resurrection. But at least with the constraints of the biblical [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > Someone was there acting in the role of wife. It's an argument for him > having a wife. I just disagree with that. There's not really any solid evidence that Mary Magdalene was acting in the role of ANYONE'S wife, much less Jesus'. > > Fwiw, the Da Vinci Code is novel - a work of fiction - and is so > > acknowledged by its author, Dan Brown. > > I am not citing Da Viinci Code as a source. I'm thinking more about the > scrolls thought to be written by Thomas. Are you referring to the Gospel of Thomas? If so, that's of arguable value as a historical source. It certainly paints a different picture of Jesus than the Gospel writers, in any case. Here's an example: 114 Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't deserve life." Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven." Also, I am unfamiliar with anything in the Gospel of Thomas that could be construed as implying that Jesus was married; maybe you can cite? Regardless, it is not part of the biblical story the original poster referred to earlier ("The Bible tells me..."). >114 Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't >deserve life." Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so >that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every >female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven." That explains a lot about women bodybuilders. Seth SignatureAre we allowed to be on topic in this newsgroup? Ah! See? There you go! he DID mean Mary the Magdalene.....NOT Mary, his mom. TBR---I think they were married, too. Why do you think so? Just curious---- Lass Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2005, 4:34pm From: TBR@comcast.net (The Bill Rodgers) On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:10:14 GMT, Priscilla Ballou <vze23t8n@verizon.net> wrote: What are you? Into incest? Jesus and Mary were married. TBR >>What are you? Into incest? > > Jesus and Mary were married. Maybe to Mary Magdalene - but I think they were talking about his mother. > TBR > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, > but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > > It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary > > Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. > > Priscilla OF course it was offensive. ;-) That's why he posted it..... It still made me laugh tho'. But then, I've always found irreverence to be amusing. It's right up there with Irony on the subtle humor scale. SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson >>It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary > > Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. Mary Magdeleine is reported in some theories to have been his wife. Are you offended by the concept of him having a wife, or by the concept that his marital relations may not have all been missionary position? Dally > >>It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary > > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > you offended by the concept of him having a wife, or by the concept that > his marital relations may not have all been missionary position? He didn't say Mary Magdelan. He said Mary, who was Jesus' MOTHER! Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong He said, "Mary". That could have been Mary the Mom, Mary the Magdalene or any of JC's aunts---all named Mary. Anna, mother of Mary, was told by a prophet that she would bear a daughter named Mary who would be the Mother of the Christ. So, to be on the safe side, Anna named ALL her daughters, Mary. Lass Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2005, 10:36pm (EDT+4) From: vze23t8n@verizon.net (Priscilla Ballou) In article <3nelgnF15a11U2@individual.net>, Dally <Dally@myself.com> wrote: Priscilla Ballou wrote: In article <nt54h1dtb49581umiv6l3qn9ekk5i8sh88@4ax.com>, The Bill Rodgers <TBR@comcast.net> wrote: It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. Mary Magdeleine is reported in some theories to have been his wife. Are you offended by the concept of him having a wife, or by the concept that his marital relations may not have all been missionary position? He didn't say Mary Magdelan. He said Mary, who was Jesus' MOTHER! Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong > >>It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary > > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Dally Read "The Moon Under Her Feet". Fascinating novel based on historical research. SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson Probably meant Mary the Magdalene, not Mary, his mom. That's considerably less offensive, LOL. Im one who believes Mary the M was JC's wife....and if you cant eat your own wife, good grief....who can you eat? Lass Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2005, 8:05pm (EDT+4) From: vze23t8n@verizon.net (Priscilla Ballou) In article <nt54h1dtb49581umiv6l3qn9ekk5i8sh88@4ax.com>, The Bill Rodgers <TBR@comcast.net> wrote: It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary Eeeww! That is both profane and obscene, not to mention offensive. Priscilla Signature"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong That's TBR, he's a prick. Everyone here hates him so he sticks around just to piss everyone off. Actually, that's pretty much what half the people here are out to do. I am just waiting for Lyle and Krista and everyone else who actually had something intelligent to say come back. Oh, and he just wants to know if you are a lesbian so he can be secretly delighted about his homosexuality. Hope that clears things up! >Oh, and he just wants to know if you are a lesbian so he can be >secretly delighted about his homosexuality. Or he wants a threesome... TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." > It asks "what did jesus eat?". The answer is: Mary > > TBR That was BAD! ;-) Made me choke on my ice water..... SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson "whole grains, fresh fruits, seeds and nuts...", he forgot the fishes. In news:Omelet-04E835.14491228082005@corp.supernews.com, OmManiPadmeOmelet <Omelet@brokenegz.com> stated | I found this article rather amusing: | | http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/5-11-2005-69841.asp We also KNOW that JC like the occasional vino. Of course, we also know that our resident JC will note that Grains, Fruits and Wine are not Low Carb ;-) Last note on Eating with Jesus: Jesus kept Kosher. It was Saul/Paul who ate the piggie. > "whole grains, fresh fruits, seeds and nuts...", he forgot the fishes. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > | > | http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/5-11-2005-69841.asp > We also KNOW that JC like the occasional vino. Of course, we also know > that our resident JC will note that Grains, Fruits and Wine are not Low > Carb ;-) Apparently, he was fine with fish as well. > Last note on Eating with Jesus: Jesus kept Kosher. It was Saul/Paul who > ate the piggie. Jesus cast demons into a herd of pigs, causing them to throw themselves off a cliff and into the sea. Not really a pork guy, I guess. Unless he liked deviled ham. Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based on what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains? phhhhttt...) Funny, I thought that Jesus was teaching spiritual truth, not a DIET. > I found this article rather amusing: > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson > Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based on > what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains? > phhhhttt...) No, that wasn't in the Bible that I know. How dare you imply that Jesus farted! Sacrilege! Dally > > Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based on > > what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains? > > phhhhttt...) > > No, that wasn't in the Bible that I know. How dare you imply that Jesus > farted! Sacrilege! He farted, but it didn't smell bad. >He farted, but it didn't smell bad. Jesus wouldn't unleash "SBD's" on his followers. A REAL god would warn them, so they could run. TBR "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) "Anyone with degrees from Yale and Harvard is presumed to be intelligent, but George W. Bush has managed to overcome that presumption." >>> Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based >>> on what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains? [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > He farted, but it didn't smell bad. So his sh.t didn't stink? Signature"If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they make my shoes smell good?" Now playing: "Yes - Wonderous Stories" > >>> Jesus must have been prone to bouts of significant flatulence, based > >>> on what this fellow claims that he "ate" (hummus? whole grains? [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > So his sh.t didn't stink? Moreover, he didn't round his back when he squatted. His form was, of course, perfect. No, no, no. JC NEVER farted!!!! In fact....he didnt even pee. IF HE HAD..it would SAY so in the hollybibble. He didnt pee, poop, fart or screw. he had NO cavities, warts or moles, either. IF HE HAD, IT WOULD SAY SO! (just like IF he was married (like every other Jewish guy) IT WOULD SAY SO! IF it DOESNT say so...then he didnt do it. Find me ONE piece of scripture mentioning any body function of JC's other than eating the occasional fish and quaffing a bit of the Grape. There IS some possibility that His feet did get dirty. However....this is the fault of the crappy desert sand and NOT HIS FAULT. Perfect people DO NOT FART. amen. LassChance > Perfect people DO NOT FART. Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME. SignatureSaffire 205/132/125 Atkins since 6/14/03 Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333 *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. *** > > Perfect people DO NOT FART. > > Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste > products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up > and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME. Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-) SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. *** > > > Perfect people DO NOT FART. > > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-) Yes, I know :-) I just riffing on the great setup :-) SignatureSaffire 205/132/125 Atkins since 6/14/03 Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333 *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. *** Om sez... "Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-) Saffire sez.... Yes, I know :-) I just riffing on the great setup :-) I sez.. I knew dat! -- > Om sez... > "Uh, I think she was being sarcastic dear...... ;-) [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I knew dat! > -- ;-D Carry on den....... ;-D SignatureOm. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson Saffire---I get it! So, really, the more perfect you are, the MORE you fart! (great, huge perfect farts....like big red circus balloons.....) Lass Re: The Jesus Diet... Group: alt.support.diet.low-carb Date: Wed, Aug 31, 2005, 5:06pm (EDT-3) From: xsaffireslicethispart@internetcyberplace.com (Saffire) In article <3081-431636DC-60@storefull-3335.bay.webtv.net>, LassChance_2 @webtv.net says... Perfect people DO NOT FART. Not so -- PERFECT people have a perfect system to elminate waste products, which includes the emission of gas. Otherwise, they'd blow up and eventually explode, which sounds like an IMperfect system to ME. SignatureSaffire 205/132/125 Atkins since 6/14/03 Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333 *** This post originated in alt.support.diet.low-carb -- its appearance in any other forum is deceptive and unauthorized. *** |
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