I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart for my Golden Retriever
and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On
impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I
probably shouldn't because I had ended up in the hospital last time.
However, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because, “I had been
sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.”

One guy was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door, I thought he
was going to have a heart attack.