Amen to that! (same applies to me - we've been together nearly 10 years)
cm

I worry about this a little. Tony was interested in me in the beginning for
my *bearlike* qualities. Not so much fat but stocky and hairy. If I get thin
I worry that I might lose the appeal for him. I've seen pictures of his past
boyfriends and they're all chunky. He's not a shallow man but still, sex
appeal is an important part of any relationship. Are you reading this Peter?
Remember what you said?

Well that happened before I was five years old...who knew I'd be
making such life altering decisions before I could count to 10!!

I must be a freaking genius!
DiGiTAL_ViNYL (no email)
350/321/Mar-315/200
Atkins since Jan 12, 2004

You know that does help alot, looking back in time to the point you
became lazy and did not care about your body any longer. For me it was
10 years ago. After a bad car accident, and surgeries, and depression.
Then yep, staying out of the lazy mode, and caring about yourself and
your body once again. No way do I want to go back to lazy mode. Its
like living a not so happy life. Just making do and getting by. No
fun.

Well, I think you might have misunderstood me.

I don't either.  What I said was: I sometimes have a tendency to view
*myself* as all those things.  When I ask myself why I have stayed fat
instead of getting control of my eating and my health, I have to admit
that it is because a part of me thinks I am not worth it, that I am
not entitled to the numerous rewards that come with being thin and
healthy.

You don't have that particular issue?  Fine, good for you.  I won't
ask you for what you think are the reasons you are fat - you may not
have thought about it, or you may have some very concrete ideas, but
it's not really my business.  I offered my reasons because I thought
they tied in to some of Luna's comments.

Again, good for you.  I am flawed in many ways.  I struggle constantly
to better myself while also learning to be less hard on myself.  If
that sounds contradictory, it is.  Introspection is hard - so hard
that many people never bother to do it at all.

Well, right.  *That* was precisely my point.  It's not the weight
that's holding me back; the weight merely reflects the deeper problem
that sometimes I do not like who I am.  By taking control of my weight
I am saying that I am not going to allow myself to wallow any longer
in a cycle of being cruel to myself and doing things to myself that
make my life harder to live.

Again, hoorah for you if these aren't your particular demons.

carla

I don't think which way you think about it really matters.  You like
yourself as is and are doing good stuff for the self you like.  Carla
has split herself into a "good" self and a "bad" self, so she can be
kind to her "good" self and disasasociate from her "bad" self.

The point is... you can't use your energy for sticking to a diet or
exercising if you're using it on self-hatred.  And you can't be
motivated to do good stuff for yourself unless there's a self you like
enough to expend the energy on.

How any of us get it to work in our own heads is fine as long as it
works.

Some folks are motivated by an enemy.  I'm that way, I have a very
intense oppositional streak.  When I was a single mom in college with
a baby, broke, tired all the time and struggling like crazy... I
pictured a "monster" called poverty chasing my a.s and it pissed me
off and kept me motivated.  When I got discouraged, picturing that
bastard and deciding he was *not* going to get me worked!

My motivation for low-carbing and exercising is even more extreme...
to me, getting healthy is a prerequisite for the life I wish to live.
Not having any desire to live a life I don't want to live, deciding to
quit the diet and exercise is equivalent in my head to suicide.  I
think about it at that extreme - so things would have to be *really*
bad for me to lose my motivation.

Whatever works.

I think everyone deserves respect -- up until the prove themselves unworthy
of it by actions.

I would respect them (in the sense of showing them consideration, but I
wouldn't necessarily hold them in esteem in terms of controling weight), but
I'd really consider them in denial about their situation concerning weight.
Lot's of people simply have no clue and some people really do have hard
issues.  I don't think that means they shouldn't be respected because they
may have other very good qualities -- weight is not the only place to find
value in a person.

One should do that which makes one feel good about oneself.

Thanks Roger.  :-)  I have lots of accomplishments to be proud of - but I
don't go in for "Stuart Smalley"-type self assurance ("I'm good enough, I'm
smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me.").  Like many people, I
struggle at times with self-respect, in spite of all the evidence to the
contrary.  Anyway, that's enough about my neuroses, for now.

carla

I'm glad you've found what for you is and easier way. Maybe dumb was a
little harsh but I think people work hard to lose weight and keep it off.
It's kind of disimissive to say they do it because they're lazy.

I'm sure they wouldn't. Which is why you're working hard to lose weight and
get into shape. Not because your lazy.