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Weight Loss Forum / Low Carb / March 2004Salon piece on "Passing for Thin" author
There's a good interview piece in Salon today on Frances Kuffel, who wrote "Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self" at http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2004/03/17/passing_for_thin/ (you'll have to click through an ad to get a "day pass" if you don't subscribe, but it's painless.) The piece unfortunately does reinforce the old stereotype of the fat-woman-who-can't-get-a-date-and-has-no-life-until-she-gets-thin, but it's still interesting and Kuffel is smart and funny -- I'm going to seek out her book now and read it, so I guess the piece did its job. Oh, and to keep it 100% on-topic for the group, this is from the introduction: "Not long into our conversation, she confessed to suffering a relapse over the summer -- her second (she mentions one in the memoir), in which she gained about 50 pounds -- and that she'd gone back on her 'abstinent' diet, cutting out all flour and sugar so that she could once again fit into a Size 8." Dawn > There's a good interview piece in Salon today on Frances Kuffel, who > wrote "Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self" at > http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2004/03/17/passing_for_thin/ (you'll > have to click through an ad to get a "day pass" if you don't > subscribe, but it's painless.) Thanks for bringing this up. Kuffel was on the CBS AM show last week and I had intended to go to their site to find a way to get a excerpt from 'Passing for Thin' to read (actually what I'm more likely to do is turn it into an mp3 and put it on my player). Anyway its at: http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0767912918&view=excerpt FYI, its also available as an ebook.  SignatureRudy - Remove the Z from my address to respond. "It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!" -Emiliano Zapata Check out the a.s.d.l-c FAQ at: http://www.grossweb.com/asdlc/faq.htm > The piece unfortunately does reinforce the old stereotype of the > fat-woman-who-can't-get-a-date-and-has-no-life-until-she-gets-thin, > but it's still interesting and Kuffel is smart and funny -- I'm going > to seek out her book now and read it, so I guess the piece did its > job. Hate that stereotype. In my teen years, my best friend was chubby and I was skinny. She also had an aggressive, go-getting personality. She got all the dates. Getting dates, is probably 90% attitude, moxie, panache. When heavy women become thin and suddenly become successes in the dating world, all it makes me think is, "OK, so your self-esteem is doing better". I know a woman though who went from heavy to thin, and STILL can't attract men, because she still comes off as the same insecure person she was before she lost the weight. On another note: I'm on a wedding planning LJ community (we're planning our big wedding in August). There is always a lot of emphasis on brides making sure to lose weight for the Big Day; this is a cultural phenomenon!! And I think it's bunk. It carries on the cultural myth that only thin women will ever star in wedding photos. Frankly, fat people and thin people alike, get married. "Fitting into a white dress" is a lousy reason to lose weight. "Adding years to your life expectancy" is the best reason of all. > On another note: I'm on a wedding planning LJ community (we're > planning our big wedding in August). There is always a lot of emphasis [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > a white dress" is a lousy reason to lose weight. "Adding years to your > life expectancy" is the best reason of all. I think it just reminds you and your husband of how you "USED" to look. My SIL was 112 lbs when she married my bro, I know exactly because she tells us (told us then, tells us now) She is now about 250 lbs after 15 yrs of marriage and 2 children. Those wedding pics where she struggled and starved to look so great are a constant reminder to her of what she has become. and they reinforce her "victim" mentality. I wish she would embrace LC or LF or whatever it takes to get healthy because she is not healthy at all. >Hate that stereotype. > >In my teen years, my best friend was chubby and I was skinny. She also >had an aggressive, go-getting personality. She got all the dates. > >Getting dates, is probably 90% attitude, moxie, panache. Oh, absolutely. When I was merely overweight I got dates, when I was chubby I got dates, when I was fat I got dates ... I was fat when I met and married my gorgeous, younger husband. I've lost weight but I'm still fat -- and he still grabs my a.s when I'm going up the stairs. I hate the reinforcement of the myth that fat women are repulsive and can only find love when they're skinny. It just serves to make a lot of women feel lousy about themselves, and then they're scared to live their lives to the fullest. Dawn >I hate the reinforcement of the myth that fat women are repulsive and >can only find love when they're skinny. It just serves to make a lot >of women feel lousy about themselves, and then they're scared to live >their lives to the fullest. My SO loves large women. He always jokes about standing outside Lane Bryant store, admiring the women who shop there. Carol Signature227/220.5/150 Atkins since March 12, 2004 Type 2 Diabetic since May 15, 2001 No wonder you prefer to stay fat. SignatureMost of us probably aren't in danger of eating too little. :) Becky P. > >Hate that stereotype. > > [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > > Dawn > >Hate that stereotype. > > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > of women feel lousy about themselves, and then they're scared to live > their lives to the fullest. And there's the sad corollary that some of us have lost weight and found that we aren't any more in demand than before. And then what do you blame? Martha "great personality" SignatureBegin where you are - but don't end there. >> >Hate that stereotype. >> > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > >Martha "great personality" I don't know ... bad luck? Overly high standards? Shyness? Lousy pool of possibles where you live? Dawn > >> I hate the reinforcement of the myth that fat women are repulsive and > >> can only find love when they're skinny. It just serves to make a lot [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > I don't know ... bad luck? Overly high standards? Shyness? Lousy pool > of possibles where you live? Oh, that was when I was young and got down to my goal weight in college. Somehow, I'd thought that being thin would make things *different*. It was a useful lesson in "no matter where you go, there you are." Even though I'd thought that my outside was the problem, I came to realize that wasn't really it. It's also a funny reversal of our normal indictment of men and/or our society. We tend to point to men/our society as overly concerned with looks and especially looks that meet the current norm. But what I realized and others here have noted is that in fact one can deviate appreciably from the ideal in looks, but if the personality is right, enough people, although by no means all, will look past that. Yes, for me, it's the sort of shyness that's painful to even be around. Martha, but that's ok SignatureBegin where you are - but don't end there. >> >> I hate the reinforcement of the myth that fat women are repulsive and >> >> can only find love when they're skinny. It just serves to make a lot [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > > Martha, but that's ok Martha, I'd recommend www.eharmony.com. The benefit is that it automatically matches you with someone, chosen by a system matching 29 data items (I forget what they're called). The bad things are that it's relatively expensive and there are way more women on it than men. As for shyness, there are things you can do (if you want to change that, that is). Join a club -- any club, although preferably one you have an interest in. For instance, I joined Toastmasters, which was a public speaking club. I've also been involved in quite a few other clubs. Anyway, these are my recommendations, which you can take or not! SignatureBob in CT Remove ".x" to reply :: On Thu, 18 Mar 2004 22:18:59 -0500, Martha Gallagher :: <marza@patriot.net> wrote: [quoted text clipped - 46 lines] :: that it's relatively expensive and there are way more women on it :: than men. Man -- it's really expensive....really... > > Oh, that was when I was young and got down to my goal weight in college. > > Somehow, I'd thought that being thin would make things *different*. It [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > wasn't > > really it. > > Yes, for me, it's the sort of shyness that's painful to even be around. > > Martha, I'd recommend www.eharmony.com. The benefit is that it > automatically matches you with someone, chosen by a system matching 29 Yeah, I'm probably weird, but I don't mind being single. My comment was only about how I thought things were a certain way because of my weight but discovered that that wasn't as much of an issue as I'd thought. To the extent that I'm interested in relationships, I find that meeting people on the internet works pretty well. That way, by the time I actually meet them, I already know them. > As for shyness, there are things you can do (if you want to change that, > that is). Join a club -- any club, although preferably one you have an > interest in. For instance, I joined Toastmasters, which was a public > speaking club. I've also been involved in quite a few other clubs. Oh, yes. That's why I took up tai chi, to make myself do something that I knew would make me feel selfconscious in front of others, and in part why I'm taking guitar lessons now. Over the years, I've learned a number of stragegies for working around it and keeping it from interfering with what I want to do, but I don't honestly believe it's something that can be changed - or at least not short of medication. There have been times when I thought I had grown out of it, but then I see not. > Anyway, these are my recommendations, which you can take or not! They're good advice. If I'd known when I was 20 the things I know now, I think it probably would have been a good thing. <g> Thanks, Martha SignatureBegin where you are - but don't end there. Martha, why not try a service such as Great Expectations or Match.com? As opposed to Eharmony, there are more men than women, and GE offers a discount to women. Eharmony is a better service in terms of matching in terms of spiritual and personal values - but that's why they have more women than men. Just go with the idea of getting lots of dates so you can "practice" and learn what you like, and start seeing yourself as a happening chick. There's nothing wrong with dating for dating's sake, especially if you haven't been in the dating world for ages. Just think of this as fun, and practice for now. :: On Thu, 18 Mar 2004, Dawn Taylor wrote: :: [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] :: :: Martha "great personality" Exposure ? > Oh, absolutely. When I was merely overweight I got dates, when I was > chubby I got dates, when I was fat I got dates ... I was fat when I [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > of women feel lousy about themselves, and then they're scared to live > their lives to the fullest. I know a skinny woman who used to be a fat woman. She STILL can't get dates, despite having a stereotypically attractive look: she's a thin, large-breasted natural blonde. She still acts like the same self-conscious shrinking violet she thinks that she shed along with the fat. She has a nervous, unnassured quality. I almost wonder if she was using the fat to hide behind and now doesn't know what to do with herself now that it's no longer there. I think most of the stuff that makes us attractive to others is the stuff on the inside. |
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