carol,
i can experience "self loathing" when my depression is "out of
whack"!
i also can experience "obsession" with my body image and that is
when i KNOW that i need to have my meds adjusted or changed.
we are both doing what we can do, to be healthy, and "get in shape",
and that should be good enough, but often isn't for me.

(((((((((((((carol)))))))))))))))))

I know how you feel.
There is good news, though.
A quote I love: "You can make yourself happy or you can make yourself
miserable.
                           The work is the same."

Start trying to change your internal dialogue. Our brains never stop
thinking(even when we sleep) and,
during the day, we are always talking to ourselves. Whenever a negative
thought creeps in, evalutate
it and see if you truly believe what it's saying. All the while, remember
that there is always a greener
side, else there would be no darker either. Also, I don't believe that the
darker and lighter are opposites. The darker needs the lighter to exist. It
is a twisting of the darker. The original good part is the true one.
The darker, negative things come when there is something wrong. You are free
to choose what you believe about yourself.
And remember, don't assume too much in the way you think people may or may
not think of you.
Sorry if I went to deep there.
Just stick in there and remember, you are worth it.
Everyone is.

Carol,

You've lost 6.5 lbs.  You only have about 70 to go.  Think
of the good you're doing your body.  Your body loves you.
It's changing every day.  And stop looking in the mirror so
often  : )

Marsha/Ohio

On 3/25/04 7:46 AM, in article 2k3460dlqm5g388ildt5f313391gklc867@4ax.com,

First and foremost, you are on the wagon again. What could be better than
that?

I find that when I am dieting - and I weigh more than you - that I "feel
thinner" just by eating right and following my diet and exercise plan.

Everything you do is from here on - and past mistakes really do not count.

Second, don't worry about your appearance to the point that you feel
embarrassed to leave the house. The truth of the matter is nobody really
notices you as much as you notice yourself. So you are overweight. So what?
Do you know how many overweight people there are in the U.S.? You are just
part of the "background" as far as everybody else is concerned. Nobody is
thinking anything of it at all.

One thing I noticed, though, about some overweight people - men and women.
While you are overweight, even when dieting, it still doesn't mean you can't
look great and exude an air of health, energy and professionalism. Wearing
nice things, doing you hair nice, smiling instead of looking depressed - all
that seems to really help your own self-image and also changes how people
perceive you.

I'm not saying to become the "happy fat person". I know that's not what you
want or what any of us want. But *in the meantime* it is better than being a
depressing fat person - for the sake of your own mental health! :)

doug

Carol -- You have to learn to visualize....to see the you that you will
become...it will happen slowly, but it will surely happen.  I predict that
it won't be too long before you'll be amazed at the changes.  But most
important is that you have to believe in it.  Believe with all of your heart
and soul and make that belief have power by following up with ACTION.  Set a
goal, believe you can do it, and DO what is needed to achieve it.  Also, it
is important that you keep your inner talk positive.  Tell yourself that you
will achieve your goal no matter what, and no matter what, you'll keep doing
those things that you need to do to make it happen.  Practice this everyday,
and many times during the day. This will build an incredible focus within
you, and once you get that going nothing can stop you.

Believe it.

Carol...

You are perfect right now.

You are eating well and exercising because you have respect for
yourself.  Looking different is only a happy by product.

Do Not allow that nasty little voice in your head to take over.  It's WRONG.

We would never say to another person the horrible things that little
voice says to ourselves.

When it rears it's ugly ugly head... Tell it to SHUT UP... out loud.

Eventually, it'll get the message.

Hang in.

Jennifer

Lose some weight.

Carol, when I first got to this group last year, when I was first starting
Atkins, *you* were one of my inspirations.  Seeing your pics really
motivated me, made me want to be able to see that much of a change in my own
body.  I even kept my before pic jeans, just so I could have an eventual
'after' while wearing them (like you with your top and shorts).

I fully believe that what you've done once, you can do again - and that you
have nothing to be embarrassed about in the meantime.  You've hit a bump in
the road, that's all.  And rather than giving up, you got right back on the
horse.  You came back and admitted to the setback, something I probably
wouldn't have had the courage to do myself.  I'd probably have drifted away
for good instead.  You haven't been defeated, because you haven't given up.

Hold your head up and be proud, you have every reason to believe in
yourself.  No matter what the outer wrapping looks like now, it's getting
better every day and will someday match the beautiful inner self you have
always had.  You will never know how many people you've had a positive
impact on, because many will never tell you outright - I probably have never
told you so myself before now, for example.  I forget that people can't hear
me thinking things like 'great post' or 'that's really inspiring to me even
though your post wasn't directed at me - thanks for posting it', <g>.

So for all the times I thought it but never said it - thank you for being
here and inspiring me when I first started.  I have faith in you - have
faith in yourself, k?   It's all downhill from here - on the scales that is,
<g>.

Stargazer
Atkins since Apr '03
192/147/140

the easiest way to overcome self loathing is through specific
accomplishments. In the absence of accomplishments, self loathing is
completely justified.

i

I have thought about this subject a lot lately as I also look into
mirrors.  I think they are maybe mirrors I either ignored or thought
little about before.  Personally I do not see the changes in me others
see right now, today at work a co-worker I do not see much (haven't seen
since an x-mas party in Dec.) said she didn't even recognize me at first
glance.  She complimented me and said I look so much better than I did.

I look in the mirror though and still see myself as the same size 24
person I was, I fail still to see a change even though my clothing size
has decresed DRAMATICALLY.  I still see my big butt and my huge lower
stomach.
 
 One of the things that I have done though to keep myself on track
(this may seem silly...it almost READS silly as I type it lol) is to NOT
size my wedding rings.  They irritate me swinging around on my fingers
but when I seem tempted to cheat I look at them and remember when they
actually cut into my fingers.  Maybe finding something small like this
that works for you would help also.  It's just a little thing that I do
when taking the bun off the burger seems pointless...or when the kids
are eating those fries and I so badly just want one (we all know one can
turn into a representation of the Lay's "no one can eat just one" so
fast!).  Those rings keep me thinking all the time almost purely because
the irritate me falling between my fingers its always on my mind how far
I have come. Also they keep in my mind one of the first things you typed
"I feel so much better than I did"!
Keep up the good work!

Here's my advice..........don't look in the mirrors.

How do you feel inside?

<snip>

I agree with Robert Gau's suggestion of changing your inner
dialogue.  Here's the one I've been using:

"I am a radiant being, full of light and love."

It's the word "radiant" that really works for me.  There
are lots of lists of affirmations like the above.  Once
you have picked one that feels right and has meaning for
you (or you can tweak one that is close but not quite
right), say it to yourself everytime you catch yourself
with either an "I'm no good" or one of those wordless
feelings of doom and dreariness.

I use mine also when I need a boost before something
like a job interview.  If nothing else, it gives my
mind something to do besides worry itself into a
complete dither.   :)

You can have more than one, of course.  However, have
at least one powerful one committed to memory so that
you have it at your command immediately when you need
it.  There's nothing worse than beating yourself up
because you can't remember your positive affirmations.
Been there, felt silly.   :)

Good luck, Damsel - you know, of course, that you don't
really loath yourself, or you wouldn't care whether you
were fat or not.  Hey?

April.
Put out the cat.

Learn to separate YOU from your BODY.  When things started to go wrong with me
physically, one thing after the other, each one compounding something else, I
went into a deep depression because I couldn't do the things I used to do.  The
worse things got, the more worthless and unlikeable I felt.  And the more I ate.  
And the fatter I got, which only made things WORSE.  After lots of therapy,
eventual anti-depressants and just plain time, I was finally able to
differentiate between my physical problems and my worth as a person.  Clearly my
body warrantee was up by age 30 (and it was irregular to begin with :-).  By
learning to differentiate between the two, it makes it MUCH easier to deal with
the ongoing physical flare-ups and still keep my sense of self.  Remind yourself
of what is GOOD about you.  Make a list (I'm serious).  Ask Crash to help make
that list.  Put it somewhere where you can find it again.  When you are feeling
bad about yourself, take the list out and READ it to remind you that you ARE a
good person and you DO have good things in your life!  It's worth it, even if you
only need to read it once, I SWEAR!  

As far as being embarrassed to leave the house, don't be.  That's another thing I
had to gradually program myself to realize:  most people don't CARE what you look
like -- they really DON'T.  YOU care, of course, and you are working on changing
it.  You have to ask yourself if the opinion of strangers at the gym or store or
elsewhere around town really makes any kind of difference in YOUR life.  I used
to be one of those people who wouldn't even go to the MAILBOX without putting on
makeup first and I never, EVER, wore shorts, since I was about *18* because I
thought my legs were too fat.  Last summer I gave in on some hot days after
wearing them for exercising and realized what an idiot I'd been for all those
years!  BIG difference in handling the heat!  Mind you, I stay out of the sun,
and my legs are and probably always WILL be Michael-Jackson-white, and I probably
STILL won't go OUT in shorts for another 20 lbs, but, hey, all these changes have
to happen over time, right?  The first step to making ANY change in behavior is
to be AWARE of it.  

IOW, try to figure out how to accomplish something in a way that WORKS for YOU in
the least stressful way.  If it means changing your OWN perception of things,
then work on doing THAT, because you CAN'T change OTHER people's perceptions.  

I have never read a SINGLE thing from you that would indicate that you are
ANYTHING but a very nice, GOOD person who has some physical problems to deal
with.  I admire your achievements and tenacity!  And you DO have tenacity or you
wouldn't have come back here or joined a gym.  I also admire and am envious of
your relationship with Crash, who clearly LOVES you.  

I have an inkling -- I feel the same way.  {{{{{{{{{{ CAROL }}}}}}}}}}

Carol,

Even if we are trying to lose weight to feel better and
look better, you have to make a pact to yourself and your
body: you'll have to learn to love it and appreciate it.

It is funny that after I finally accepted my body with all
the fat and love handles, I started losing weight.  I
realized that I will never have a 125lb body, but I am happy
with what I have.  You will have to learn to enjoy yours as
well.

Hope I helped a little.

Yazaira
Member since Oct 03
265/228/154 (But 175 is a happy goal too)
http://geocities.com/yazaira/dieta

Well, remind yourself that this is you:

http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/carol_arie/detail?.dir=/Atkins+Low-Carb+Progres
s&.dnm=192+Pounds+-+July+8+2003+face.jpg

And you know what to do and are doing it.