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Weight Loss Forum / WeightWatchers / November 2004Seeing Family and Friends a year later
I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a total of 65 pounds and my daughter has lost 41 pounds, between the two of us, we have lost my youngest daughter who weighs a whopping 106 pounds. I have lost 40 of my 65 in the past year. On to my disappointments and my happy moments with friends and family. Went to see mom for her 79th birthday last weekend. She tells my daughter that she is impressed with her weight loss as it really shows on her then proceeds to tell me that she does not see any difference in me. I was truly disappointed with that, but figure mom is not happy with me at the moment any way and it is her way of hurting my feelings. For Thanksgiving, went to see my best friend and her family for dinner. I walked in the door and her and her husband were amazed at how much different I looked. They could not get over the weight loss. Even her mom, asked if I was losing weight or just working out at the gym, toning up. I told her it was both. They made me feel so good. Then on to the ex-in-laws for dessert. They had not seen me in a few months and all of them made comments about my weight loss. So the 7 people that noticed surely offset my mother not noticing my weight loss. At least I know that my co-workers, friends and non-blood family notice me even though my own mother can not see any differences in me. Climbing down off my soapbox now. Debbie 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 sometimes people we care about are the first to push our buttons and if we have displeased them they go out of their way to do it, you KNOW what the scale says and you have the others, Lee, > I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not > seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 I have displeased her big time. I don't even live that far away from her, but have not desire to see her because of the negative attitude towards me. Thank you for your support. Debbie > sometimes people we care about are the first to push our buttons and if we > have displeased them they go out of their way to do it, you KNOW what the [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > > > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 I can so relate. I 've lost nearly 100 lbs and everyone has been commenting on my loss except for mom... instead she bakes desserts and serves full-fat dishes every time I come to her place for dinner. She is slim but has a lot of weight issues, I think she has a hard time accepting that it is possible to lose weight without starving or taking pills. And I 've always been the fat daughter and now I don't consider myself fat anymore, it will take her some time to get used to it. But you are losing the weight for you and not for her so try to put her comments aside... you have done great!  SignatureNathalie from Belgium 134.1/90.8/minigoal 90.3/ Goal 68 Kg 295.6/200.2/minigoal 199/Goal 150 pounds WW challenge 204.8/200.2/194 pounds 92.9/90.8/88 Kg > I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not > seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 Debbie, I really must say that in my past, the 50 people who made positive comments about my weight losses never made up for the things my own Mother used to say to me. Before Mom got sick, around twenty years ago, I began to tell her how badly I felt when she made those comments to me. It was really hard to do, but after I did it, sometimes in groups of people even, if that was where she made the hurtful comment, she actually began to change. We had around 10 years of a better relationship before she began to get the Alzheimers, and I am grateful for it now, because if we had not she would be in a nursing home, and I would be wracked with guilt. SignatureLesanne >I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have >not [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 I am not sure if everything will ever be okay with mom and me. There are issues that go way back and I just rather avoid her than deal with her negative thoughts and guilt trips. Thank you for your support. Debbie > Debbie, I really must say that in my past, the 50 people who made positive > comments about my weight losses never made up for the things my own Mother [quoted text clipped - 44 lines] > > > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 Hope you can give her a miss at Christmas and enjoy :). SignatureLesanne >I am not sure if everything will ever be okay with mom and me. There are > issues that go way back and I just rather avoid her than deal with her [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > Debbie On 11/27/04 4:04 AM, in article 30r1q1F3372pkU1@uni-berlin.de, "Deb in Northern California" <d.kester@NOSPAMcomcast.net> wrote: > She tells my daughter > that she is impressed with her weight loss as it really shows on her then > proceeds to tell me that she does not see any difference in me. I was truly > disappointed with that, but figure mom is not happy with me at the moment > any way and it is her way of hurting my feelings. Mothers and their relations with daughters get very weird sometimes. Mine, who was certifiably nutty as I have remarked elsewhere, did the following once: I had finally learned to love veggies without loading them up with butter (still prefer them that way now) and she started making an issue at a family/friends dinner about my not buttering my corn. I told her I didn't like it that way and she kept pestering me about it. When I left the room for a minute to get something from the kitchen I came back and found she had buttered the corn...dripping! She seemed to regard my good habits as my "showing off" and trying to "act like I was better than everybody else." So you have a lot more company here, I'm sure. > On 11/27/04 4:04 AM, in article 30r1q1F3372pkU1@uni-berlin.de, "Deb in > Northern California" <d.kester@NOSPAMcomcast.net> wrote: [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > "showing off" and trying to "act like I was better than everybody else." > So you have a lot more company here, I'm sure. I feel very lucky to have avoided this aspect of motherhood... Mine just looks at me and says: You lost more weight! Well done! Mind you, she's had to deal with two daughters with IBS and me with the gall bladder problems as well, so she really doesn't care what we eat so long as we are happy and pain free! I was never fat as a child or young adult. It piled on in my 20's, so she also sees this as the 'real me' emerging from the fat, and likes it. SignatureKate XXXXXX Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk Click on Kate's Pages and explore! > On 11/27/04 4:04 AM, in article 30r1q1F3372pkU1@uni-berlin.de, "Deb in > Northern California" <d.kester@NOSPAMcomcast.net> wrote: [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > "showing off" and trying to "act like I was better than everybody else." > So you have a lot more company here, I'm sure. Uh oh. With my sense of humor, you Know what I want her to have done with the greasy ole corn...... SignatureLesanne > What did you do with the corn? me to is why I asked, Lee > Uh oh. With my sense of humor, you Know what I want her to have done with > the greasy ole corn...... > > -- > Lesanne > > What did you do with the corn? Oh, put a stopper in it! (G) >Uh oh. With my sense of humor, you Know what I want her to have done with >the greasy ole corn...... I admire your outlook on keeping on keeping on!! A mother doesn't realize that the words that come out of her mouth can hurt a daughter. I was always underweight untill my 30's, then in my 40's I became overweight, so I've always joked and laughed at comments about my weight problems. Reading this thread has put a new light on my thinking. I think I owe my daughter an apology. My daughter has always been very thin, and underweight, which has been a concern of mine. Yesterday as I returned the gr-children I noticed my daughter has a little stomach developing and looks like she's gaining weight. She's in her late 40's. I only see her once every month or so, so I notice things. I commented on her little pooch, with a little pat and laugh, asking "What that?" She replied it's her "fat tummy she's getting, and leave it alone". Then I noticed she has been sitting with a small sofa pillow in her lap. And she seems touchy about her weight gain. Now I'm afraid I might have offended her. Do you think a apology letter would be enough?? Or should I drive up and take her out for coffee and apologize for my thoughtlessness?? A fat tummy has always been my problem so I don't think I'm jealous. Also saying the wrong thing or making jokes about things as a parent is a problem I'm trying to overcome. Any comments about the apology?? Thank you. Keep up the good work!!! Your doing great!!! I would go up and talk to her over coffee. There may be other issues that are going on that you are not aware of that are contributing to her weight gain. Show her you care and don't critisize her (which is what mom's tend to do). Good luck. > I admire your outlook on keeping on keeping on!! A mother doesn't > realize that the words that come out of her mouth can hurt a daughter. I [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > about the apology?? Thank you. Keep up the good work!!! Your doing > great!!! Okay that is the second time I had to laugh out loud this morning reading this news..... SignatureLesanne > Oh, put a stopper in it! (G) > >>Uh oh. With my sense of humor, you Know what I want her to have done with >>the greasy ole corn...... That's why we are here - to lighten your day. Now reciprocate! (G) >Okay that is the second time I had to laugh out loud this morning reading >this news..... >At least I know that my co-workers, friends and non-blood family notice me >even though my own mother can not see any differences in me. Don't let your mom get you down. I know thats hard, my grandmother is about as nasty as a woman can be towards my weight. You worked hard and earned your success! If everyone else could see it, you know they are the ones to listen to. Congrats to you and your daughter, you guys are doing awesome! :D Sarah I think mothers can be very cruel at times. I know my mother can be. I have been learning to ignore my mothers comments about my weight loss or I might not like the things that come out of my mouth. She has her own weight issues and can not deal with my sucess. Perhaps your mom is dealing with some hidden feelings from her past that are being brought out by your weight loss. Did she struggle with food or weight issues at some point in her life. It might be that she can't acknowledge your weight loss because it is too painful for her to do so. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself and not for her. Her comments are not important as you getting to a healthy weight are. > I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not > seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 Mom has always struggled with her weight as have I. I was over 200 lbs when I was only 12 years old. Everyone in the family has struggled. I figure one day I will get to a healthy weight, but like Lee (Miss Violet) I will only do what I can live with for the rest of my life. I do not intend to do the yo-yo route, as that is more detrimental to your health than maintaining a high weight. Thanks for your support. Debbie > I think mothers can be very cruel at times. I know my mother can be. I have > been learning to ignore my mothers comments about my weight loss or I might [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 She may be ignoring your sucess because she is jealous. And until she comes to terms with her weight issues she'll never acknowledge your sucess. I agree that it will only aggrevate you to see her when she has a negative attitude towards you. Hopefully one day things will work out between the two of you. > Mom has always struggled with her weight as have I. I was over 200 lbs when > I was only 12 years old. Everyone in the family has struggled. I figure [quoted text clipped - 69 lines] > > > > > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 Congratulstions on losing that tremendous amout of weigh!! But is does sound like your Mom is really mad at you ;-( From the others, you know the loss is really noticeable & you look great, so just ignore your Mom. Hope she get over her snit with you really fast. Elaine >I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not >seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > >319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 You hit the nail on the head, Mom is just mad at me and until the amends are made between my brother and I (which will never happen), she will always put me down. I have always been the black sheep to her, so I have learned it does not matter what I do, it will not be good enough for her. Thank you for your encouragement Elaine. Debbie > Congratulstions on losing that tremendous amout of weigh!! But is does > sound like your Mom is really mad at you ;-( From the others, you know [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > > > >319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 > I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not > seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 I think your mother has special filters in her specs... ;) Well done, and a nice collection of NSVs! SignatureKate XXXXXX Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk Click on Kate's Pages and explore! Yes, she does, and as far as she is concerned I do everything wrong in her eyes and I guess my weight loss is wrong to her too. Thanks for your support. Debbie > > I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not > > seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk > Click on Kate's Pages and explore! Hi Deb, I'm sorry your mom's reaction to your weight loss efforts wasn't what you hoped it to be, but kudos to your friends and other family members for their encouraging comments. Signature~Kristin >I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have >not [quoted text clipped - 32 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 Thank you all for your encouragement, it means a lot to me to see that others suffer the wrath of their mom's too. Debbie > I had some disappointing and them some good NSVs this past week. I have not > seen any of these people since Christmas last year. So far I have lost a [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > 319.4/253.6/(Xmas goal 250)/150 |
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