Hi, people. Thought I'd just check in.

I'm still floundering about. I haven't been dieting for.... geez...
who knows how many weeks now. Since my last post I guess.

I haven't even been looking at the scale - until this morning.

I was surprised to find that I hadn't gained or lost weight in the
interim. My body seems to want to settle at around a whopping 126 kg.
<sigh>

Last night I had a very bad experience though. I woke up in the middle
of the night unable to breathe. Very scary. It wasn't acid reflux -
I've had that in the past. I just wasn't breathing. I had to cough and
cough to force myself to breathe.

I decided this morning that "even if I don't feel like it" I really
need to get back on my low-calorie, weight-watchers-like program
again, journaling, exercising, etc.

I don't know how long I can stay on the wagon this time, but I have to
try.

I think I've been psychologically putting it off because of all the
mental and financial shocks since the beginning of last year when I
left my old job of 8 years because of huge unpaid salaries and a bunch
of other stuff. Since then, because of contract work, I've actually
been better off financially than I was the year before. I even paid
off the primary mortgage on my house in Columbia, MO early.  And the
company I left has since failed. So I ended up better off in that
respect than if I had not quit because when I left a few customers
decided to come with me.

But it is so nerve-wracking, not knowing what will happen from month
to month.

My father is also very ill now, and I may have to fly out to Boston at
any time.

But there is always something, isn't there?

I have to do something. So, like I told everybody else when they were
having problems sticking with the diet, "If that fails, then try
again. And if that again fails then try again. And if it still fails
then try again. "

I know I'm rambling here, but I strangely feel like I'm getting
obsessively attached to the depression I've been in since  a year ago
March when I quite my job. Like letting go of my depression would mean
the events surrounding it were not significant. Giving up a depression
and moving on feels like giving up a failed love relationship somehow.
It's hard to move on. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I'm back.

What was that calorie tracking site a lot of people like using? Fit-
something-or-other?

doug

p.s. What's with all the spam ads here? If people are interested, I
would be happy to set up a free diet forums on my own server and block
spammers from posting.