So, today is weigh-in day, and I'm the same chuffing weight. Not
really a surprise, though. The amount of exercise I did this month is
way under my goal, and the amount of eating over goal. I feel like
I've stuck myself in the worst of both worlds: I refuse to go back to
the way I used to eat (sodas, junk food, whatever I wanted whenever I
wanted), but I have yet to fully commit to a healthier WOE. And it's
not about hunger, either. I don't mind feeling hungry. I do have a lot
of trouble fighting urges of what I would like to eat (good for me or
not) and how much I would like to eat of it.

I also discovered a new Fattitude: life can suck, why not eat what I
want? I can have a similar self-destructive feeling when it comes to
smoking. The way I've fought that is to remind myself that the true me
(not the depressed me, or the going-through-a-stressful-time me) wants
to be a non-smoker. So, I stick to my choice not to smoke, not only
because that's ultimately the me I want to be, but also because
smoking doesn't solve any of my problems. I guess I should apply this
thinking to eating.

When I first quit smoking, I thought it would be all about willpower.
Thankfully, it turned out not to be. What helped me quit was learning
the true nature of my nicotine addiction. I was hoping it would turn
out to be something similar for losing weight....learning a new way
(or why the old way was wrong), not about exercising ironclad
willpower. Don't get me wrong, I've learned a lot here. I'm just not
*there* yet.

While I entertained the idea of giving up (for the time being) on my
weight loss goals, I've decided instead to start anew tomorrow. The
only good thing to come out of this month is that I didn't gain any
weight (which is a little something to be said considering Easter ;)).

Rogue
212/209/140