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Weight Loss Forum / General Topics / March 2005Me again
Been awhile since I've posted here, so... Hi! I catch myself saying "I need to check in" and then I never do. Life has been busy as hell for me recently and I actually have to make time to get online. So here I am. As far as my WOE is going, I fallen off the wagon for about 10 weeks now, I got lazy and distracted and ended up putting about 16 lbs back on that I am re-determined to get off. I've got the old way of thinking back in my head and I know that I have to stop what I'm doing to myself or it will just make things worse. It started out with excuses in my exercise "too hot, too windy, too cold, too rainy, too busy, too tired, kids need me, hubby needs me, cat needs me" And then carried over into my eating, with excuses like "one more wont hurt, I will change it tomorrow. " A nibble here, a nibble there turns into a full snack, or a overblown meal or simply "screw it, I'm gonna enjoy myself" The bad stuff is back The acid reflex The feeling crappy The skin issues I've had most of my life which went away with carb control The sleep patterns being messed up And of course, the weight. I found myself quitting fitday.com all together, I don't think I've posted a full day there in 2.5 months. I feel like I'm lying to myself half the time. I haven't touched my bike or treadmill in ages. I am truly pissed off at myself for letting this happen, which is catch22 as most of us know. I am scared of what has been happening to me and I know how I can lie to myself and make excuses. I guess I have forgotten how GOOD I felt when the lb's were dropping off me without as much work as I thought it would be in the beginning. I can't even cram myself into my jeans I was in at Christmas, which truly makes me mad at myself. I feel awful. I want to blame everything except me, but I know in my heart of hearts that no one can change me (good or bad) but me. The compliments from friends and family are gone, and the knowing looks they pass between themselves when they think I am not seeing them are back, as if to say 'Suz is getting up there again' - Grrr. I feel like such a failure. I made some half a.s lame attempt to buy the book that 'Gwendal' used to recommend to me called Fattitudes and they didn't have it at Barnes and Noble - and so I let the idea of buying it go the moment they said they didn't have it. Not that I would have read it anyhow. What is it in our psychological makeup that makes a person do this to themselves, to get off track, to unintentionally sabotage their health and well being? I guess I won't ever figure that out. So, I am going to spend the remainder of today reviewing my old posts here, and catching up on yall, revamping fitday.com so that it is current for me. Take some time to do some meal planning that works for both me and my family. I am going to go for a walk this afternoon at the track and do some thinking. Tonight when I get home I am going to weigh/measure and begin anew. I have the tools, I simply have to use them - I am going to keep telling that to myself. Let me serve as a lesson to all of us out there that thought we had "mastered" the art of getting fit and healthy. Thanks Susan 280/184/140 sh.t happens, it takes some people much longer than you to get back on track. Have you taken any blood sugar measurements? I hope that you are fine in that respect, but acid reflux etc make me wonder. Good luck... I feel for you...  Signature223/173.2/180 Hey Susan, Welcome to the club. (I'm mainly a lurker here, BTW. You've probably never seen me.) But anyway, I definitely feel your pain ... I've been a yo-yo dieter since I was 22 (about 13 years ago). I lost 50 lbs. during the fall of 2002, but gained it back plus more. I started a low fat diet at the first of the year and have been doing great. Like you, I can't figure out why I let myself get into this shape. I knew what I was doing when I was doing it. Why didn't I stop myself?? I've taken off 30 lbs. since January, but jeez, I have 100 more to go. Good luck to you. -G. > Hey Susan, > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > -G. Hi, I am not a yo-yo dieter, or at least I don't think I was, I had never attempted any eating reform or weightloss plan before I started my WOE about a year and a half ago. I had a good solid workable plan that DID work. I am still about 100 lbs lighter than I was when I started. I just am struggling to find out/remember what clicked that got me back into old habits. I hope that this doesn't start me on a path of "yo-yo dieting". June of 2005 will be the anniversary of my epiphany that started my changes. Again, I am struggling to remember what exactly triggered that. I guess if I think about it I am still very fortunate that I have 100lbs off of me and I simply need to get back into that frame of mind. But I can see myself in self destruct mode very easy if I let it happen, and to be honest, it WAS/is happening now. I gotta get in control again is all(easier said than done) Good luck with your progress Thanks for the well wishes Susan 280/184/140 Ig, for some reason my outlook express took your reply to my first post off the server, dunno.. but anyhow.. I haven't had any bloodwork done, but will schedule something for this week, thanks for the reminder. >Been awhile since I've posted here, so... Hi! > [quoted text clipped - 58 lines] >Let me serve as a lesson to all of us out there that thought we had >"mastered" the art of getting fit and healthy. Oh Susan, I'm so sorry this has happened to you! I have experienced each and every one of the emotions and behaviours that you have described here, to the extent that I found it painful to read what you've written. I'm not going to say you'll get back on track, and it'll all be OK because I can feel by the way you've written this that this isn't what's going to happen easily for you just now. I have experience of this sort of losing of motivation leading to putting back all the weight. I've been through it - all the congratulations, feeling good, etc. and then suddenly everyone carefully not mentioning anything about your weight or how you look, and gradually not caring about all the good things I was doing for my body and my health. I've also found that after I've felt better for a while I forget how bad "the bad stuff" was and I can kid myself that it can't have been all that bad and it's OK if I just go back to overeating a bit, and so on.... But you know that there's a real danger of the gaining continuing and that you have to halt it somehow. I'm not going to say don't worry, you won't put it all back, because I know it is all too easy to do just that. Have you tried just attempting to stand still, calm down, and accept the 16 lbs just for the moment and concentrate on not gaining any more, but not feeling panicky about the fact that you must lose? If you could somehow do this until your frame of mind is ready to tackle weight loss, perhaps you could limit the damage this way. We all know here that you're capable of great strength of purpose, and I do believe you'll get back to where you are, but IMO putting too much pressure on yourself if you're not ready could end up leading to more gain. I can only write from my own experience - just ignore everything I've said if you can't relate to it yourself! I hope you'll decide to post here a bit, now you've told us what has happened, and perhaps we can offer a bit of support. janice Hi janice, it is good to see you are still as supportive as ever :) I have missed a.s.d - for sure. It's very hard to force yourself to read everyone's good news on here on a daily basis if you yourself are not making good progress. I have to stop that thinking and realize that each and every one of us here have faced similar struggles, maybe not posted them, but we all have the same demons. I think. Maybe everyone is perfect except me lol. As far as where to start. I think that you are correct in starting at simply maintaining where I am right now and re developing my WOE that works for me again. I am going to have to do some critical thinking and disection of my lifestyle and narrow it down to some specifics. Which is not always easy. Being realistically critical of myself and producing workable solutions is not my strong point, obviously. Or I wouldn't be in the shape that I am in. I also need to calm down a bit and not be so hard on myself, I screwed up. Big deal, fix it and move on, right? The other thing I see happening is I let this spiral until there seems to be alot I have to fix, which in truth is over dramatizing things, another typical thing for me to do to myself - making mountains out of molehills. I also have to remember (sometimes on an hour by hour basis) that only I can do this, good or bad, its ME, MY choices that make the difference and stop blaming MY failures on outside persons/reasons. Some examples of those are I've got a huge family to feed and have to cook huge meals. There is nothing "good" or healthy near my work for lunch. I don't "deserve" those breakfast tacos with sausage/potato/egg/cheese/tortilla that I have for breakfast - I deserve to be good to myself by fueling my body with nutrient dense healthy portions. Right? Right. And of course that list goes on and on. I need to be more assertive in making my food/exercise decisions and quit making excuses to why I "can't" do things. I have to be proactive about my goals and what I want to achieve, and I have to not allow events or opinions to sway me from that path. Like I said, I have the tools to do this and do it the right way, I simply have to USE them. If I were still food/exercise ignorant, I could almost explain why this has happened to me. But I am not, I have learned SO much in the last 2 years when I was doing so well that I do not have ignorance as an excuse any longer. So, for me.. it's take a deep breath. Look at what I have fallen into, pick up the pieces and put it all back together again, then once that is done, focus on making headway. Thanks for your encouragement janice :) Susan 280/184/140 Hi Susan, I have faced those same demons. A few years ago I lost nearly 40 lbs. Then, I slowly let my bad habits and excuses creep back in and before I knew it I had regained almost all of it. I still don't really know why I let myself trip up. I have no one to blame, but myself. I refuse to let it keep me down though. I kicked myself in the butt and now I'm trudging on. This go 'round I find it much easier. Easier in the sense that I feel I can live with my WOE forever. I've only been doing this for 2 months now, but I feel confident that this WOE works for me. You seem to have a very clear idea of what you did and what you now have to do. I think you are on the right road Susan, you just hit a little bump on the way. I see you getting up, dusting yourself off and marching on. Congrats to you for not giving up! Willow ---------------------------------------------------------- Willow Darcy Shaw from Atlantic Canada Current Loss: -18 lbs Mini Goal: lose 25 lbs by 1st week May Ultimate Goal: lose 70 lbs > Hi janice, it is good to see you are still as supportive as ever :) > I have missed a.s.d - for sure. [quoted text clipped - 46 lines] > Susan > 280/184/140 Susan, I feel your pain and understand how these things happen. I see people scarfing down cookies or getting whipped cream on their iced lattes and I want to be like them - able to eat without thinking about calories. My suggestion is try to do things one at a time. Maybe start back with fitday no matter how ugly your intake. Or resume exercising. I find that when I consistently exercise, I have more motivation to stick with my eating plan. You can get back on track. As always, YMMV. Kasey 365/213/190 >Susan, I feel your pain and understand how these things happen. I see >people scarfing down cookies or getting whipped cream on their iced >lattes and I want to be like them - able to eat without thinking >about calories. Well, most people I see doing this are fat :-). Or else they're young and are probably going to be fat when they're older. So I don't want to be like them. It's the slim person who takes one cookie and happily enjoys it that I want to be like. And I expect that that person is often conscious of -- if not calories -- at least eating moderately. A case in point -- the audit team I was on last week. There were 10 of us; 7 were non-trivially overweight. The office staff brought in doughnuts and pastries every morning. The 3 of us who were fit didn't eat any; the others did. One of the other fit people is an extremely athletic man of about 40 who ran 7 miles on his treadmill every morning before work (in under an hour!). He eats hearty meals, but not junk. The other healthy-eating man is 50ish and had a heart attack scare a few years ago. He walked 2 miles on the motel treadmill every morning before work. I ran or walked outdoors at lunchtime when I could. None of the other people exercised. I brought my lunch every day. The others ordered out from a sandwich, but these two men ordered salads or plain sandwiches; the others had things like Rueben sandwiches and fries. For afternoon snacks, I brought apples, the 40ish guy had another sandwich, and the 50ish guy brought nuts and carrot sticks. The 7 other folks didn't seem to snack in the afternoon -- just went out for large dinners or fast food later in the evening. I was not jealous of the 7 other folks :-). Chris 262/130s/130s started dieting July 2002, maintaining since June 2004 > Been awhile since I've posted here, so... Hi! > So, I am going to spend the remainder of today reviewing my old posts > here, and catching up on yall, revamping fitday.com so that it is current [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Let me serve as a lesson to all of us out there that thought we had > "mastered" the art of getting fit and healthy. Many people who turn out successful in the long run have failures along the way (it was in the book Thin for Life). It's good to take some time and think about what went wrong and how you can change it but also realize what went right - you decided to do something about it after a small % of gain rather than seeing the gain and giving up. You aren't alone. I regained some of the weight I lost too, but kept off 100+ lbs from my highest weight. I'm working on the rest but also realizing that this is the first time I haven't regained it all and then some in 25+ years of attempts. It's good to see you back and going back to things that worked for you in the past. I don't really think we ever get this "mastered" but supposedly it will get easier in the long run. You and I came into this group around the same time but I'm using a different name now. It won't take long to figure out who I am. BTW, Fattitudes is a good book especially for the mental stuff. Two other good ones are Thin for Life and Passing for Thin if you ever get in a book reading mood. Signaturethe vbchick email goes to vbchick >Many people who turn out successful in the long run have failures along the >way (it was in the book Thin for Life). It's good to take some time and [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >that this is the first time I haven't regained it all and then some in 25+ >years of attempts. I found this bit in Thin for Life encouraging, too, Nunya. Your history sounds a bit like mine except that I've been at it for over 40 years:( I never give up, and treat each new attempt like my first, but of course somewhere along the line the one that really succeeds for good will be the one where you don't do exactly what you did before. Since my last major weight loss of around 70lbs (the total I needed to lose is around 100) I've spent the last 3 years at below 200 lbs despite regaining and relosing the last 30 or so pounds several times during that period. I regard this as some sort of progress, and am currently well on track again. We'll get there in the end! janice Janice, I've gained OVER & OVER but I'm below 190 always ,since one year ago! I've gained recently but I'm going to win this!!!! YOU WILL WIN ALSO:) I always read your posts!!!!! glo >Janice, I've gained OVER & OVER but I'm below 190 always ,since one year >ago! I've gained recently but I'm going to win this!!!! YOU WILL WIN >ALSO:) >I always read your posts!!!!! > >glo I read yours too, glo. And well done on staying below 190 all that time. janice> > You and I came into this group around >the same time but I'm using a different name now. I do wish your new name didn't make me think of "Dubya" :-) Chris 262/130s/130s started dieting July 2002, maintaining since June 2004 >> You and I came into this group around >>the same time but I'm using a different name now. > > I do wish your new name didn't make me think of "Dubya" :-) When you put it like that, so do I! Signaturethe vbchick email goes to vbchick Welcome back, Susan. I bet just writing this message will be a big help in getting you back on track, as it so clearly articulates all that you don't like about what's happened, and what you know you need to do to turn things around. You can do it! We're here for you! Chris 262/130s/130s started dieting July 2002, maintaining since June 2004 Hey Susan, I'm feeling like you are feeling but I've gained aout 5 or 6 lbs. Gosh!! I'd better get myslf in gear NOW! I'm just slippng and I was not LOOKING at me! It's like I'm hiding from me but I'm NOT REALLY able to hide at all! I'm reading you here and SEEING ME:( You ARE STRONG as you face this! I'll do this too! Thanks sooooo much for posting just when I needed your words!! glo > Been awhile since I've posted here, so... Hi! > [quoted text clipped - 62 lines] > Susan > 280/184/140 Boy can I relate to this email. I've gotten thin before but never maintained it. I'm currently working my way down again, and doing it very slowly. In fact, I've taken since January of 2001 to get to where I am now. I've gone up 10lbs for a period of 8 or 9 months when I just stopped exercising and gave myself fast food for breakfast. However, with the help of a couple exercise buddies, lurking and occasionally posting here, and lately, sessions with a nutritionist, I've been able to start back down. My nutritionist, like most of the other folks on this page, emphasizes positive efforts over negative. She recommends we take a free day each week and just eat whatever foods we like, but keep in mind that moderation is a good concept. In other words, buy a slice of cake at the bakery (if you can) instead of the whole one; or bribe 31 flavors to make you a pint-sized banana split instead of their regular size. It was the breakfast taco you mentioned that got to me because that was exactly my downfall. I love breakfast meats and tortillas and eggs. So now I just make it myself with turkey bacon and corn tortillas, eggbeaters and baked potato chunks crisped in a little evoo (mario bartoli is my favorite chef!). Take care of yourself, you sound like a very good person! |
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