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Weight Loss Forum / General Topics / November 2003Question for those of you who did it on your own
No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used one... Anyway, People asked me how I lost 50 lbs. I tell them, real hush-hush, "The secret is, eat less, and exercise more." Then they say, "No, really, how did you do it?" Then they launch into a big tirade about how either a) they never eat ANYTHING, they just can't understand why the can't lose weight, b) I just don't have the time to go to the gym anymore, c) excuse of the day, they have a million of them... Well, I tell them to use Fitday, or something and track EVERYTHING they eat and ALL activities they do, and they will find out, like me, that they eat a WHOLE lot more than they thought they did. I tell them that I don't have any time either, that's why I go to the gym at 5:30 AM. Heck, I'd go at 5:00 AM if it was open! I have an answer for EVERY excuse they give me, and it still doesn't sink in. However, on rare occasion, I have actually given some people encouragement and ideas. Don't know if I've made a difference yet for anyone, but one can hope. Boy, will I have egg on my face if I gain it back, though! Hey! There's some incentive to behave on maintenance! How about this one... They remark how good you look, then they say, "You're not going to lose anymore weight, are you?" I honsetly don't understand that one. With my mother-in-law, I think it's two-fold. One, she always wants to be in control of the situation, so she thinks by telling me that, she knows better, etc., and she's the boss. The other part is, she grew up in the depression, and fat (or at least, not thin) people had money and jobs. Thin people were down on their luck, on the skids, etc. She can't get that bias out of her head. For other, younger people, my age, who are overweight, say, who grew up middle class, I wonder if it's just jealousy. I've done something the can't, haven't tried, or whatever. You're not kidding about eating more food than I thought--I also started using FitDay this week, and found that I eat around 2400 calories/day--and I also don't burn off what I eat either--I'm carrying a *surplus* over each day, and I suppose that explains why I'm slowly gaining weight--I'm not burning off more than I consume! Controlling my eating urges are another issue--but at least I know more about what I'm eating, and the *real* amount of calories I need to burn in order to start losing weight! Jean in VA > No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used > one... [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > middle class, I wonder if it's just jealousy. I've done something the > can't, haven't tried, or whatever. > You're not kidding about eating more food than I thought--I also started > using FitDay this week, and found that I eat around 2400 calories/day--and I > also don't burn off what I eat either--I'm carrying a *surplus* over each > day, and I suppose that explains why I'm slowly gaining weight--I'm not > burning off more than I consume! By using Fitday, I QUICKLY found out (just by simple addition), that is was virtually impossible to burn off everything you eat through exercise. Where the exercise helps is that you don't have to cut back quite as much on eating as you would if you did it though diet alone. Plus, of course, exercise is good for you. > Controlling my eating urges are another issue-- This was an issue for me also. I found that I ate regardless of whether I was hungry or not... > Controlling my eating urges are another issue--but at least I know more > about what I'm eating, and the *real* amount of calories I need to burn in > order to start losing weight! Actually, Fitday seriously overestimates the base metabolic rate for women with any sort of metabolic dysfunction that slows their metabolism, which includes people with Syndrome X, thyroid disease, PCOS and many other situations associated with being out of shape and a history of starving yourself. The good news is that the metabolism can be improved with the right sorts of exercise. The bad news is that you may very well only be burning about 10x your weight in calories if you're fat and out of shape! Wendy > You're not kidding about eating more food than I thought--I also started > using FitDay this week, and found that I eat around 2400 calories/day--and I [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > about what I'm eating, and the *real* amount of calories I need to burn in > order to start losing weight! I'm with you Jean. I find food logging to be super helpful. Now I just plug in what my plan is for the day and I know if that should work for me or not. My main problem right now is salt. I find that I'm a lot more sensitive to my sodium intake than I was before (probably eating less on a daily basis so I'm notice it more when I have more).  Signaturejmk in NC I agree that it is that simple when you really get down to it, but as someone who just has to complicate things, I need structure, so specific diets with strict guidelines work best for me. It helps me learn just what I'm supposed to be doing. As for the comments on losing weight, but not trying to lose any more...I know people that think it's a real shame that we are trying to lose weight. I'm all for acceptance and learning to love yourself, but obesity is not healthy (and I personally feel ICKY). I have friends that refuse to comment on my weight loss and if I bring it up (I have some support issues, affirmation helps me know that it's not all in my head) they say they're sorry, they didn't know I was sick enough to lose weight and they hope I get better. I've run into this a lot. Mostly it comes from my overweight friends and family that have given up on dieting and have contented themselves with being obese. I guess for those of them that don't have any of the health issues involved, most of them are active exercisers, it's fine. I, on the other hand, don't want to do that and would like encouragement. But hey, it takes all kinds. I'm a firm believer in whatever works for YOU. Everything, including diets and weight loss, is individualized. If I had your determination, I would have already lost all the weight I want to. As it is, I'm sitting here replying to your message instead of riding the bike that's sitting in the other room gathering dust. I also gave up on my diet (Atkins) for the time being because I seriously stalled and got really depressed (my only consolation is that immediately following Thanksgiving, I'm starting over and my hubby is doing it with me this time to help me out). So, CONGRATS and keep up the good work on maintenance. Amanda > No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used > one... [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > middle class, I wonder if it's just jealousy. I've done something the > can't, haven't tried, or whatever. > I need structure, so specific > diets with strict guidelines work best for me. It helps me learn just what > I'm supposed to be doing. Sure that's fine. Structure and support too! That's why plans that have classes/etc. like Weight Watchers are popular. I've known a few people who've done WW and loved it. The whole point system, and all. > As for the comments on losing weight, but not trying to lose any more...I > know people that think it's a real shame that we are trying to lose weight. > I'm all for acceptance and learning to love yourself, but obesity is not > healthy (and I personally feel ICKY). They only time I felt "icky" is when I couldn't fit into a pair of pants or something, but I tell you, after losing 50 lbs, I feel great, and can do so much more now, I can't believe it. Now, I can remember the way I felt sometimes, with my gut hanging over pants, or tight shirts or sweaters, etc., and it felt so uncomfortable. Or, playing touch football and getting out of breath just by running down the field. Or not being able to rake leaves for more than 15 minutes at a time, or not being able to pick up my kids easily...Now I can remember all that stuff. Either I had blinders on before, or I just thought it was supposed to be like that. I can I have friends that refuse to comment > on my weight loss and if I bring it up (I have some support issues, > affirmation helps me know that it's not all in my head) they say they're > sorry, they didn't know I was sick enough to lose weight and they hope I get > better. I've run into this a lot. YES! I've actually had people ask if I had gotten sick. > I'm a firm believer in > whatever works for YOU. Everything, including diets and weight loss, is > individualized. Well, someone else in this newsgroup did say, the best diet is the one that works for you. Very true. > If I had your determination, I would have already lost all the weight I want > to. Honestly, I'm not sure whether it's determination, or just gettign started. Once you're "into" it, it becomes (at least for me) easier to sustain. > As it is, I'm sitting here replying to your message instead of riding > the bike that's sitting in the other room gathering dust. Well then there's no better time than now to start! Start slow for a week. Even a short amount of time on the bike is better than nothing... > I'm starting over and my hubby is doing it with me this time > to help me out). This makes a BIG difference. So, CONGRATS and keep up the good work on maintenance. Thanks. (methinks maintenance is the REAL hard part). > I agree that it is that simple when you really get down to it, but as > someone who just has to complicate things, I need structure, so specific [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > whatever works for YOU. Everything, including diets and weight loss, is > individualized. I think that asking obese friends for support wrt your weight loss/maintenance is a little mean. I agree, more or less, with the rest of your post. I need some structure also. i 223/177/180 > In article <3fc007a8$0$53382$bb8e7a08@news.usenetcompany.com>, Amanda > wrote: [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > i > 223/177/180 I wasn't intending for it to be mean. I don't usually ask for support outright, it usually comes up when someone comments on my eating or something. Or when my mom tells them to tell me that I'm being stupid be not eating the lemon meringue pie that I made for my grandfather or the bread that I love so much. She's my main problem. She always tells me that I shouldn't be trying to lose weight and every time we get together with our family, she always brings it up. That's more what I meant. I guess that falls under the area of aggressive non-support instead of just a lack of helpful comments. I don't like to bring up my diet myself since I never know if the person I'm talking to is trying to lose weight, has given up or is perfectly happy the way they are. I generally just avoid the subject altogether unless someone brings it up for me. Just from my perspective, though, it would be nice if someone, especially family, would notice when I drop 30 pounds :). Amanda >I don't like to bring up my diet myself since I never know if the person >I'm talking to is trying to lose weight, has given up or is perfectly >happy the way they are. I generally just avoid the subject altogether >unless someone brings it up for me. Just from my perspective, though, >it would be nice if someone, especially family, would notice when I drop >30 pounds :). Yup, ran into that myself. Isn't going to happen, if your family is like mine. You need to be your own best fan. beeswing My mother cooks Indian food all the time, and that DOESN'T HELP!!! I would be a lot thinner if I lived with my vegeterian-except-for-fish girlfriend. MadJock > >> I agree that it is that simple when you really get down to it, but as > >> someone who just has to complicate things, I need structure, so [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] > > Amanda How old are you and if you're over 21 why do you live with your momma? > My mother cooks Indian food all the time, and that DOESN'T HELP!!! I would > be a lot thinner if I lived with my vegeterian-except-for-fish girlfriend. [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > > > > Amanda >I wasn't intending for it to be mean. I don't usually ask for support >outright, it usually comes up when someone comments on my eating or >something. Or when my mom tells them to tell me that I'm being stupid >be not eating the lemon meringue pie that I made for my grandfather or >the bread that I love so much. I had the opposite problem, I had a foster mother who would routinely whine about how fat I was getting and then scold me for saying "no thank you", when offered a trigger food that someone made "especially for me". Well, sheesh, can't have it both ways. Either I go around pleasing everyone and remain fat, or I be in charge of what goes in my own mouth. Well phooey on them. There will always be people who make some thing "just for me"... and they're going to get used to me saying "no thank you". Last I checked, saying "no thank you" nicely was good manners:) CM > I had the opposite problem, I had a foster mother who would routinely > whine about how fat I was getting and then scold me for saying "no thank > you", when offered a trigger food that someone made "especially for me". > Well, sheesh, can't have it both ways. Either I go around pleasing > everyone and remain fat, or I be in charge of what goes in my own mouth. Wow, sounds just like my mom. She would say, "finish your plate" and then the next sentence "you'll never attract boys if you get too pudgy". No wonder I suffered from an eating disorder.... Martha > I wasn't intending for it to be mean. I don't usually ask for support > outright, it usually comes up when someone comments on my eating or > something. Right, or planning where the department will go for a Christmas lunch. I want there to be choices for everyone -- not just those on the deep fried diet ;-) What other people eat doesn't bother me. I mean, it's their choice. I just don't want to be put in a situation where I can't participate. I just solved that problem by picking some places with online menus and saying, I was thinking of X, Y or Z, what do you think? Signaturejmk in NC Hmmm....yeah, I get that question all the time. People want to know how I've lost so much weight (80 lbs.) I think what they REALLY want to hear is some "magic" answer that will allow them to lose weight and still eat whatever they want (don't we wish!) As soon as I tell them the ole' eat-less-exercise-more story, their eyes glaze over and I can tell they've immediately lost interest. Cat > No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used > one... [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > middle class, I wonder if it's just jealousy. I've done something the > can't, haven't tried, or whatever. > Hmmm....yeah, I get that question all the time. People want to know how I've > lost so much weight (80 lbs.) I think what they REALLY want to hear is some > "magic" answer that will allow them to lose weight and still eat whatever > they want (don't we wish!) As soon as I tell them the ole' > eat-less-exercise-more story, their eyes glaze over and I can tell they've > immediately lost interest. they may come back and ask you again. Happened to me and one of my very fat acquaintainces. When I told him I ate less, ate no crap, and exercised, he kind of ended the conversation. When he met me again, he asked for details. i > As soon as I tell them the ole' > > eat-less-exercise-more story, their eyes glaze over and I can tell they've [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I ate less, ate no crap, and exercised, he kind of ended the > conversation. When he met me again, he asked for details. I have had a few do that. One of my friends who was 380 lbs took my advice and is now 220. He wants to get to 180, and at one point was at 190, but went back up again. The thing is, he NOW knows how to do it, but he can't get back "into it". He IS courting a woman now, and I think that will give him the impetus to lose again. I myself have lost weight 4 times (including this time) over the last 26 years, and two of them have been at the beginning of a romance! Since I have "a plan" this time, I hope to be able to keep the weight off. I have been successful, so far, for a whopping 2 weeks. :-) Jeff 200/146/150 > > In article <mrUvb.9858$sb4.6097@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net>, Cat > wrote: > > As soon as I tell them the ole' > > > eat-less-exercise-more story, their eyes glaze over and I can tell > they've > > > immediately lost interest. No one asks me any more. I've been accepted without the obese label at last. SignatureDiva ******** There Is No Triumph Without Loss! Diva wrote: >No one asks me any more. I've been accepted without the obese label at >last. Now *that's* really kewl. beeswing > x-no-archive: yes > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > beeswing Yes, that's really amazing. When people stop remembering when you were fat :D >Hmmm....yeah, I get that question all the time. People want to know how I've >lost so much weight (80 lbs.) I think what they REALLY want to hear is some [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > >Cat I either get the eyes glazing over, or the excuses why it won't work for them. One woman I know very well is just amazingly good at excuses. She believes she doesn't eat a lot -- though she really does -- and that she gets a lot of exercise -- one ballet class a week when she gets around to it. She won't do any other kind of exercise because "I just don't like that stuff. It's so boring!" She eats at least one meal at a restaurant every day. She thinks she eats light because she'll often have an appetizer or two instead of an entree -- usually fried things -- or just a vegetable plate -- usually in cream or cheese sauces. And then she'll finish with a dessert because she had a light meal. Last night at the Indian restaurant she tried to talk me into ordering dessert along with her (no one else had any): "I thought you really liked ras malai also!" Me: "Yeah, I do, but I'm full." She: "Well, your dinner was a lot heavier than mine." Me: "Probably." Right. She had these sort of vegetable dumplings in a thick cream sauce, and about 5 pieces of bread. I had a big hunk of tandoori salmon and 1/2 piece of bread. Anyway... I'm not really much for evangelizing. No one will do anything about it until they want to. Chris > Anyway... I'm not really > much for evangelizing. No one will do anything about it until they > want to. This is so true. And, sometimes, it's hard NOT to evangelize, when they ask you directly how you did it, and you tell them how, and they don't believe you, then you start to get into specifics. Then they start to get annoyed, and making the excuses. That is so true, Cat, and my experience entirely. People never give up looking for the magic solution. janice >Hmmm....yeah, I get that question all the time. People want to know how I've >lost so much weight (80 lbs.) I think what they REALLY want to hear is some [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > >Cat >Hmmm....yeah, I get that question all the time. People want to know how I've >lost so much weight (80 lbs.) I think what they REALLY want to hear is some >"magic" answer that will allow them to lose weight and still eat whatever >they want (don't we wish!) As soon as I tell them the ole' >eat-less-exercise-more story, their eyes glaze over and I can tell they've >immediately lost interest. That's almost the exact post word for word I was going to write. People don't want to hear "change of lifestyle", they just want to know how 70 pounds are no longer on me, not realizing of course, that they are utterly inseparable. cm > People don't want to hear "change of lifestyle", they just want to know > how 70 pounds are no longer on me, not realizing of course, that they > are utterly inseparable. I get a sad look on my face and say, "oh, it's terrible: it turns out you have to eat less and exercise more!" Then I give a wry laugh and say, "who knew?" When they start with the excuses I say, "Well, when I was ready to make it a priority I was able to figure out how to make it work." I just got back from a full Thanksgiving feast. I ate a full plate, went back for seconds on some particularly good things, then had a full dessert. I can't tell you how many people commented on me eating as much as them, it's as if I just belied everything I've been claiming all along. My answer was, "my feeling it's that it's okay to feast on actual feast days, just as long as I stop feasting when the feast is over!" Okay, that was a little wordy, but you can clean it up and use it yourself if you want. :-) Wendy, who has been eating nothing but salad for the past few days > I just got back from a full Thanksgiving feast. I ate a full plate, went > back for seconds on some particularly good things, then had a full [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > feast days, just as long as I stop feasting when the feast is > over!" Okay, that was a little wordy, but you can clean it up and use it how do you feel after eating so much? i > how do you feel after eating so much? Overall I enjoyed myself. The focus was on the event and the people, not the food. It was a potluck community Thanksgiving feast and everyone brought their family favorite special dishes. I enjoyed the flavors and choices. I also enjoyed not having to restrain myself. I ate past the point of comfort, but not seriously past. In fact, a conversation came up with someone else about how even our over-eating days are smaller than they used to be. I didn't have gravy, potatoes, rolls or stuffing, for example. I had seconds of shredded beets, something that most people seemed to be leaving alone. My family of five is alone for Thanksgiving so this was the "feast" for the season for us. I'll cook a turkey on T-day but don't plan to overeat then. Actually, my husband might round up some foreigners to bring home - that's what we usually do since he works at a college and we collect strays during the holiday season. :-) If we have company I'll probably do up some pies. Wendy >> how do you feel after eating so much? > [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > strays during the holiday season. :-) If we have company I'll probably > do up some pies. Thanks. The reason why I asked is that I feel bad when I overeat. I am glad that you can enjoy an occasional feast. i >Thanks. The reason why I asked is that I feel bad when I overeat. I am >glad that you can enjoy an occasional feast. > >i I feel terrible when I overeat, but I still do it :( janice > Hmmm....yeah, I get that question all the time. People want to know how I've > lost so much weight (80 lbs.) I think what they REALLY want to hear is some [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Cat Maybe what you should do next time in answer to the question "how did you lose it", is tell them "with hard work and patience" and leave it at that. If they ask for details then expand but if not then they got the answer. > Maybe what you should do next time in answer to the question "how did you > lose it", is tell them "with hard work and patience" and leave it at that. > If they ask for details then expand but if not then they got the answer. That would be too moralizing. i 223/176/180 > No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used > one... [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > don't have the time to go to the gym anymore, c) excuse of the day, they > have a million of them... Beware of alienating people. There are few subjects more prone to alienation. Give them the straight facts about what worked FOR YOU, and do not argue with anything that they say ABOUT THEMSELVES. > Well, I tell them to use Fitday, or something and track EVERYTHING > they eat and ALL activities they do, and they will find out, like > me, that they eat a WHOLE lot more than they thought they did. I > tell them that I don't have any time either, that's why I go to the > gym at 5:30 AM. Heck, I'd go at 5:00 AM if it was open! I have an > answer for EVERY excuse they give me, and it still doesn't sink in. absolutely. it is their problem. give them facts and let them draw conclusions. > However, on rare occasion, I have actually given some people encouragement > and ideas. Don't know if I've made a difference yet for anyone, but one can > hope. > > Boy, will I have egg on my face if I gain it back, though! Hey! There's > some incentive to behave on maintenance! Absolutely! Post here and post your weight numbers. > How about this one... > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > jobs. Thin people were down on their luck, on the skids, etc. She > can't get that bias out of her head. haha, let me just say that I understand you well. > For other, younger people, my age, who are overweight, say, who grew up > middle class, I wonder if it's just jealousy. I've done something the > can't, haven't tried, or whatever. Never discount the possibility that you are either slim enough, or may be looking haggard and gaunt. Just do a sort of a reality check when they say it, and also thank them for their opinion. i 223/177/180 Yeah, a lot of people think there's a magic bullet. You are right, the secret is really knowing what you eat, and working it off. People don't want to hear that. > No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used > one... [quoted text clipped - 40 lines] > middle class, I wonder if it's just jealousy. I've done something the > can't, haven't tried, or whatever. > Yeah, a lot of people think there's a magic bullet. You are right, > the secret is really knowing what you eat, and working it off. > People don't want to hear that. Have you (or any of you) gotten the indignant attitude when you refuse to eat something? I get that a lot. What happens: Me: "No thanks, I don't want the cookie." Them: "Why not?" Me: "I just don't. I'm full." Them: "Just eat the cookie, you self rigtheous bastard! Oh, Mr. Perfect, 'I lost so much weight', won't even eat a cookie. Well, Sorrrrry". OK, maybe I embelished on that a little. :-) What I want to say: "No, I don't want the f-ing cooking. And if YOU stopped eating everything that came in front of you, you would probably drop a few pounds too!" What ulitimately happens: I take the cookie, set it aside, and give it to the dog. > > Yeah, a lot of people think there's a magic bullet. You are right, > > the secret is really knowing what you eat, and working it off. > > People don't want to hear that. > > Have you (or any of you) gotten the indignant attitude when you refuse to > eat something? I say I have Celiac Disease and that ends it and of course I do. SignatureDiva ******** There Is No Triumph Without Loss! > People asked me how I lost 50 lbs. I tell them, real hush-hush, "The secret > is, eat less, and exercise more." > Then they say, "No, really, how did you do it?" I had that happen a few weeks ago. I told him I did lots of squats with 100 pound barbell on my back. They laughed at my joke and let me alone with my mystery. Wendy, who usually squats *more* than 100, but was rounding down > No flames please, I'm not bashing any particular diet, or anyone who used > one... [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > People asked me how I lost 50 lbs. I tell them, real hush-hush, "The secret > is, eat less, and exercise more." I hate that. I get a lot of, "What's your secret?" Boy are they disappointed when I say, I ride my bike a lot and do portion control. I don't get into all the details with most people because they don't really want to know. They are disappointed that it involved EXERCISE. My husband is even worse than that if people ask him, he says, "She rides over 100 miles a week on her bike." (Now it's about 50 a week + working out at the gym but still.) Signaturejmk in NC |
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